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Crochet N More
Newsletter

Volume XIII, Issue No. 24
December 30, 2010

Serving approximately 6,000 crafters...

(This newsletter distributed FREE via e-mail only on the 15th and 30th of each month)

 

Thank you for requesting the Crochet 'N' More Newsletter.
We hope to provide you with exciting information on the latest web developments pertaining to the Crochet 'N' More website as well as two of my original patterns in each issue.

If the Crochet N More website and/or Crochet N More Newsletter
have been helpful to you and you would like to make a donation

Click Here

THIS ISSUE IS SPONSORED BY:



  www.joann.com 

cont.

Haley (and her Dad) have been hard at work on our Cafe Press T-shirt shop.
We've expanded a bit. We have a crochet t-shirts section.
Just click on the design you like.
We also have crochet cups, mugs, aprons, and totes.
Some crochet stuff for your baby (bibs, onesies, etc).
We'll be expanding and putting up more designs in the months and weeks ahead.
And Haley wanted me to say thank you for all those who have bought things and visited.

cont.

God Bless You!

FEATURES IN THIS ISSUE:

GENERAL NEWS
QUESTIONS FROM THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
BIBLE TRIVIA
PAGES UPDATED
NEW LINKS
MEMBER PATTERNS
CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE
CROCHET TIP
VIEWER FEEDBACK
CONTEST/GIVE-AWAY INFORMATION
CLASSIFIED SECTION
HUMOR


GENERAL NEWS


 

Dear Subscriber:

Thank you so much for your continued support of the
Crochet 'N' More Newsletter and website.
A special thank you to those who have purchased
items via our site and/or have given a donation.
It has been a pleasure serving this year
and we
look forward to serving you in the new year.

                   

   Happy New Year!

 

Start the new year off right...
Dedicate OR ReDedicate your life to Christ

 

Visit our Blog:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/crochetblog/

and our Facebook Fan Page:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Crochetnmore/277255108133

 

 

Lisa and Tim

 

Follow Crochetnmore on Twitter

 

 

The Breast Cancer Site

 


QUESTIONS FROM
THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD


Post your crochet question on The Crochet 'N' More Message Board and you might see it here!

QUESTION:

Re: need a good substitute yarn

My mom's friend (92 and still crocheting up a storm) wants to make an old pattern that calls for DazzleAire yarn. Of course, that has been discontinued for quite some time. She needs it to be a "fuzzy" yarn, cause the pattern is for a dog hand puppet that she says looks "fluffy" when it's done. I think Jiffy would probably work well, but wondered if anyone else has a suggestion. It's been a long time since I've had any DazzleAire, but I recall it being somewhat similar to Jiffy. I just don't remember if it was a lighter weight yarn than Jiffy, though.
Thanks for any help. You guys always come through for me!
Debbie

ANSWER:

Caron is once again making Dazzleaire yarn!
Not as many colors as before (no ombres)
but they are making it!

See available colors on this link:

http://caron.com/color_cards/cc_dazzleaire.html

Char55

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT


What lies behind us and what lies before
us are tiny matters compared
to what lies within us.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."

Matthew 11:28

 

Shout joyfully to God, all the earth; sing the glory of His name; make His praise glorious. Say to God, "How awesome are Thy works! Because of the greatness of Thy power Thine enemies will give feigned obedience to Thee. And the earth will worship Thee, and will sing praises to Thee; they will sing praises to Thy name. Come and see the works of God, Who is awesome in His deeds toward the sons of men. He turned the sea into dry land; they passed through the river on foot; there let us rejoice in Him! He rules by His might forever; His eyes keep watch on the nations; let not the rebellious exalt themselves. Bless our God, O peoples, and sound His praise abroad, Who keeps us in life, and does not allow our feet to slip.

Psalm 66: 1-9

 

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from whence shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun will not smite you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever.

Psalm 121

 

"WE CAN SLEEP IN PEACE
WHEN WE REMEMBER
THAT GOD IS AWAKE. "

This quote is from Our Daily Bread - January, 2011 Issue


"For where two or three have gathered
together in My name, there I am in their midst."
Matthew 18:20


Please click here and pray for those on our Prayer List


BIBLE TRIVIA


How old was Ahaz when
he became king and how long
did he reign in Jerusalem?

 

Click Here for the Answer

 

Click Here to Purchase
"The Complete Book of Bible Trivia"

 

Click here for more Bible Trivia


PAGES UPDATED

Only major page changes will be listed here.


FREE PATTERNS
The following patterns will be added to our Free Patterns soon.

 

Santa's Candy Bag Crochet Pattern
SANTA'S CANDY BAG

 

Flameless Tealight Candle Wreath
FLAMELESS TEALIGHT
CANDLE WREATH

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


NEW LINKS

The following link(s) have been added to our links pages.


None at this time.

 

 

 

 

 

 


MEMBER PATTERNS


(SUBSCRIBERS SEE THESE FIRST)
However, these patterns will be added to the Crochet 'N' More website after the next issue is sent out.

Check out all of our free crochet patterns.

Purchase your crochet supplies today!

Use the promotion code below
in your online shopping basket:

Clearance Sale



CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE

(A different crochet stitch and/or tip featured in each issue...
to be added later to the Crochet Basics page)


CLUSTER STITCH (varied abbreviations)

There are variations of the cluster stitch but basically it means there is more than one stitch clustered together. As an example: If you were doing a 3 double crochet cluster you would do each double crochet without completing the last step (you would have 2 loops on the hook after the first dc, 3 loops on the hook after the second dc and 4 loops on the hook when all three dcs are completed. Then you yarn over and draw through all of the loops. That is what "Clusters" the stitch.

 

VIEWER STITCH QUESTION

How do you do (5-tr-cl) in a pattern??
Betty Bishop

ANSWER

 

Take a look at this page:
http://crochet.about.com/library/blclustr.htm
it shows how to cluster 4 double crochet stitches together.

This will work the same for your stitch.
Work each of your 5 treble stitches without completing the very
last step of each... then yarn over and draw through all of the loops
on the hook to “cluster” them together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-----

ILLUSTRATED BASIC CROCHET INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE BEGINNER:

HOW TO DO A STARTING CHAIN

SINGLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

HALF DOUBLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

DOUBLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

TRIPLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

"On-line encyclopedia of knitting and crochet facts"
http://www.lionbrand.com/faq/learnToCrochet.pdf

 


CROCHET TIP


Do you have projects that you like to make over and over again?
Those good ole "stand-by" patterns?

Keep instructions for your favorite patterns in an easily accessible folder labeled "My Favorite Patterns" so you don't have to search through your entire pattern library in order to find them ever again.

 

 

 

 

Scrap Yarn Ideas ...

do you have number 84?

 

 

The following page is compilation of uses for scrap yarns:
SCRAP YARN IDEAS

If you have a use that's not listed email me!

 


VIEWER FEEDBACK

NOTE: Any comments left on the CNM website or sent via email may be posted here.

Leave your message in our guestbook... and it may appear in an issue of the CNM Newsletter !


Re: Questions re Baby Booties 2 pattern

Do you have a video tutorial for this type of pattern?  I have recently started to crochet again and in the past basicly did just scafs or grannie squares.  I made a nice baby beanie and am now using your Baby Booties 2 Pattern.  All the crochet videos I've seen on youtube show you how to make booties but always start with the base of the foot rather than what you've created; one long row then joined and the cuff added.  If you are aware of any how to videos showing this technique I'd appreciate a link or some help. 

2nd set of questions I have about your baby booties 2 pattern:
 
1. Can you update pattern or tell me how many stitches I should have at the end of each row.
2. Don't understand why I'm doing 2 sc in first lp of Row 2 and unsure of which chain is the turning chain.
3. You say to sc dec over next 2 st in Row 8. Based on watching videos of how to sc dec it seems that it is actually a total of 6 stitches that are involved (am I right?). How many stitches would there be in this row. I'm askin because when I fold the ends together there doesn't seem to be much of a short side.

3rd set of questions re: baby booties 2 pattern:
I need to crochet a bootie for a six inch foot. I used a size K hook and the length of the folded bootie is only about 3.5 inches. I'm trying to crochet as loosley as possible but seem to only be able to get about 4 stitches per inch. Can you tell me how to adjust the pattern to make it longer?

Thanks Debbie K

 

<< replies >>

I do not have any videos at this time.
I designed that pattern because I never had any luck
with other bootie designs. That’s why I made the foot part
of the bootie in a straight pattern. Once you fold it you
sew it to form the bottom part then add the top.

2nd set

Question 1

Row 1 you should have 29 stitches.
Row 2 you should have 31 stitches.
Row 3 – still 31 stitches.
Row 8 has decreases... you should get back to 29 stitches.

Question 2

this is to help shape the bootie.

Question 3

When you decrease over 2 stitches... two stitches become one.

3rd set

This pattern is for a baby bootie size... to make one for a size inch foot would
require changing the pattern. For a longer bootie you would need more chains
for the first row and Repeat Row 3 additional times to get the right height to
fit the intended foot. Then the cuff would be different also.

 


 

RE: help with pattern instructions

I am crocheting a vest and the pattern states: Row 1 Half double (hdc) in each stitch across. turn Row 2 double crochet (dc) in horizontal lp of next hdc and each hdc across.  Could you possibly tell me what the "horizontal" loop is?  I know front loop, back loop and front/back post stitches, but I am not at all sure what the horizontal loop of a hdc is.

I have read through your entire web page of instructions and can't really find the answer.  Thank you very much.

Donna Mead

<< reply >>

The horizontal loop is colored blue:
   Horizontal Loop


RE: doggy sweater pattern?

I'm trying to figure out the dog sweater pattern, and I guess I'm just not understanding how the slip stitches will make the opening for the chest/head?
Rhonda

<< reply >>


The slip stitches on R13 are for how wide the dog’s chest is...
this just gets you in position in the pattern to keep the joining
line under the dog’s belly. The rows just after that reach
across the dog’s back from one leg to the other. After that
the chains you make on R21 will be joined on the opposite
side of that row and you work in the round again for the neck.

 


RE: Emma's_Baby_Booties

R7 heel (ch3, sc in next st)around.
should that be (ch3, sc and repeat this all around)

Carla

<< reply >>

Yes... that means you
chain 3 and then work a single crochet in the next stitch all the way around.


RE: Baby Beanie

I have your pattern for "Baby Beanie" and am having a very difficult time trying to decipher it. For example, how does one "sl st bet next 2 sts"?

I am a beginning crocheter, but I am trying to learn. Is there any way you can send me more detailed instructios so that I can attempt this project - I just love this hat!

Thanks for your help!

Rose

<< reply >>

The graphic on this page shows where “between stitches” is
http://www.stitchdiva.com/custom.aspx?id=128

Please let me know if this helps.


Crochet Question

Pattern Reads:  Ch 3, sc between each group of 3 dc. Repeat all the way across the row.

Question:  After first Ch 3, should I Ch 3, sc between each group of 3 dc or only sc between each group of dc?

Dorothy

<< reply >>

This is an odd instruction.... my interpretation of that instruction is :
chain 3 and then work one single crochet between each group of 3dc....
However... I wonder the same... I would think  you need the 3 chains in
order to keep the piece from curling up like a bowl.

Is this pattern online?


RE: help reading a crochet pattern

I found your info on the internet. I am having problems reading a crochet pattern, I pretty much know how to do all the stiches I just can't figure out the pattern, it's like Greek to me!!
For example: a baby blanket

CH 5; join with slip st to form a ring ( got that)

Push tr to RIGHT side (?)

Rnd 1 (Wrong side) : Ch 1, (sc,tr) 8 times in ring; join with slip st to first sc: 16 sts.

Rnd 2 Ch 1, turn: sc in same st, (ch3, skip next tr, sc in next sc) around to last tr, skip last tr, dc in first sc to form last ch-3 sp: 8 ch-3 sps

Any help you could give me would be great!
Thanks,
Heather

<< reply >>

CH 5; join with slip st to form a ring ( got that)
okay

Push tr to RIGHT side (?)
since the treble crochet is taller than the single crochet stitch the designer
wants to be sure you push that stitch to the right side of the work... it will make
a little bump on the side you push it toward.


Rnd 1 (Wrong side) : Ch 1, (sc,tr) 8 times in ring; join with slip st to first sc: 16 sts.
So for Round 1 which is the wrong side you will do this:
chain 1
work one single crochet and one treble crochet in the ring (that’s 1 time)
work one single crochet and one treble crochet in the ring (that’s 2 times)
work one single crochet and one treble crochet in the ring (that’s 3 times)
work one single crochet and one treble crochet in the ring (that’s 4 times)
work one single crochet and one treble crochet in the ring (that’s 5 times)
work one single crochet and one treble crochet in the ring (that’s 6 times)
work one single crochet and one treble crochet in the ring (that’s 7 times)
work one single crochet and one treble crochet in the ring (that’s 8 times)
REMEMBER: Each time you do a treble crochet stitch... push it to the right
side of the work.
Join with a slip stitch in the first single crochet you made.
You should have 16 stitches when you finish this round.

Rnd 2 Ch 1, turn: sc in same st, (ch3, skip next tr, sc in next sc) around to last tr, skip last tr, dc in first sc to form last ch-3 sp: 8 ch-3 sps
For Round 2 you chain 1 and turn.
Single crochet in the same stitch as the chain 1.
Chain 3, skip the next treble crochet stitch, single crochet in the next single crochet.
Do that over and over all the way around to the last treble crochet.
Skip that last treble and work a double crochet in the first
single crochet... this will form the last chain 3 needed on that round.
You should have 8 chain 3 spaces.


RE: Frustrating Crocheting!

I am a beginner of crochet, and am wondering what books are good for absolute beginners?
 
I know the basic stitches, but have major issues reading a pattern.  If someone shows me what to do, I have no problems copying, but as I said, I have real issues reading instructions of ANY kind!
 
I really want to crochet lots of different flowers, and I do have a crocheting flower book by Nicky Epstein, but can't understand!!
 
Aarrrgh, help!
 
Jodi xox

<< reply >>

My best advice I can give you...
choose a pattern for one of the flowers you really want to make.
Send me a couple of rows of your instructions and I’ll explain
it in unabbreviated terms to help you get started.

You can refer to my Crochet Basics page for stitch abbreviations
and instructions:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/123basics.htm

YOU CAN DO IT!


RE: Crochet Question

I am crocheting a beret. It is worked in double crochets. The pattern says to join round with a single crochet and chain 1. Then says to 2 dc over sc. What does it mean to crochet over the sc. I am stumped.

Karen

<< reply >>

Is this is your pattern?
http://www.coatsandclark.com/Crafts/Crochet/Projects/
Accessories/WR1030%20Crochet%20Beret.htm


If so, believe the designer wants you to work the two double crochet stitches into the
same space as the single crochet stitch.


RE: Info

Is there a "VIDEO" I can learn how to make a Bpdc and a Fpdc ??? I read the instructions but cannot understand...
 
Tks,
 
Dot

<< reply >>

Try the video on this page:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56eTH2LxBWw


RE: HELP PLEASE

Good morning...I hate 2 bother you but I am desperate for 2 crochet patterns...a sweater for chihuauas...& a dallas cowboy afghan...(crochet). Pleasa, if you can help me I will be able to rest some...finding the patterns is the hard part & I am runnin outta time...I appreciate any assistance you can give me...thank you kindly, Annisa

<< reply >>

The dog sweater pattern that I have on this page is adjustable for any
breed:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/dogsweater.htm
and there is a link to a chihuahua pattern that a viewer wrote based on
my original instructions.  To get a great fit I suggest using the alteration
instructions on the main dog sweater page.

As for a Dallas Cowboys afghan patterns... two choices available
for purchase on these pages:
http://www.citiusa.com/sports2.html
http://www.judybscrochetcreations.com/crochet-afghan-patterns.php
and Sue may have the pattern available for purchase that is shown on this
page:
http://www.suescrochetdesigns.com/Sports.html

 


RE: ReadAPattern

Hello, Your site is a god send.. however, I am still confused about something!!
I have a pattern and you do have some examples like it, my pattern says 1dc in trtr, what I don't understand is WHERE I crochet?? This is at the end of the line on a scarf that is lines that make diamonds, quite an open scarf, lots of big holes, almost like a string vest... so say I do my trtr, where do I put my needle to do a dc??
I hope my question makes sense!
Thankyou so much for your site.
Kat x

<< reply >>


If the pattern doesn’t say otherwise you place your hook
beneath both loops of the trtr stitch.


RE: Questions on Big Christmas Stocking

Help! So I am at row 61 starting the toe. Not real sure where I go from the unfinished loop. I have tried it over and over and just cant get it. I have taken a photo and attached it above so you can see where I am stuck. I appreciate your help in advance.

Many Thanks,

Emily

<< reply >>

R61 begins the foot shaping.
Once you chained 12 which will be the top of the toe
you work o ne single crochet in the 2nd chain from the hook.
Now work a single in each of the next 10 chains (on that chain 12 you just made)
You will end up with 11sc there.
Now slip stitch at the base of the chain... in the stitch the chain comes up from.
single crochet in each stitch across to the marker... work 3sc in that marked stitch.
Reposition the Heel Marker in center st of those 3 singles.
Now single crochet in each sc across to the first of the 11 singles you made earlier.

Single in the unworked loop of each of those 11 stitches... this is the back side of each

of the chains you made to form the toe.

Single once more in the last stitch to finish that round.

Place a marker in that stitch.


Is your newsletter free or what???

   THANK YOU -
   MARGARET

<< reply >>

Yes it is free Margaret.
You can sign up here:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/subscribe.htm
It is a double opt-in newsletter... that means that
once you submit your email address you will receive
an email asking you to confirm your subscription.


RE: Need crochet help!

I'm working my 1st piece in years and the 1st where I have to read instructions- the others I was just shown how!
It is a baby hat working in rounds. At the end of round 2: "...join with sl st in first sc. 12 sc." I did the slip stitch but I'm confused as to where the 12 sc's go?? In the sl st just created? This also repeats in increments of 6 per each round.
I'd appreciate any help!!
Thanks, Julie

<< reply >>

>>> At the end of round 2: "...join with sl st in first sc. 12 sc."

The part at the end that says "12sc" is only for reference.
It means that when you finish round 2 you should have 12 single crochet
stitches.

>>>>This also repeats in increments of 6 per each round.
You should have the number of stitches listed after each round is complete.


RE: Read a Pattern

Hi I'm new at reading patterns. I hope that you can help.
What do I do on this?

ch 1, sc in each sc across, turn. Repeat  until measues about 56"/142cm from
beginning.

ch 1, sc2tog, sc in each cs across to last 2sc, sc2tog, turn-20sc tepeat
decrease row 9 times, until there are only 2 sc remaining.
Selena

<< reply >>

For this:
ch 1, sc in each sc across, turn. Repeat  until measues about 56"/142cm from
beginning.

Do this:
chain 1, then work one single crochet in each single crochet stitch on the
row.
Now keep working that same row until your project measures about 56 inches
from the beginning.

For this:
ch 1, sc2tog, sc in each cs across to last 2sc, sc2tog, turn-20sc tepeat
decrease row 9 times, until there are only 2 sc remaining.

Do this:
Chain 1
single crochet 2 stitches together...
(directions for this stitch can be found on our crochet basics page:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/123basics.htm )
work one single crochet in each single crochet across to the last two single
crochet stitches.
Single crochet the last two stitches together (as before)
Turn
You should have 20 stitches after this row.
Repeat this row (the decrease row) nine times until you have only 2 single
crochet stitches remaining.

 


 

Kind words can be short and easy to speak,
but their echoes are truly endless.
                                   Mother Teresa


CONTEST/GIVEAWAY INFORMATION

The information provided below is strictly for your enjoyment.


 

Enter the new contest at Creative Enterprises !

Click Here for Your Chance to Win!

 

 

 


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See more styles at
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cont


 

Threads N Stitches

cont.


You can buy our 51 page book
through Cafe Press.

Click Here to order your copy today!
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1

 

cont

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

cont.


Get your copy of the Gas Mileage Guide today!
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/

There's also a free Version available.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/freepreview.htm

Also make sure to check out almost daily tips for saving money
and having fun without breaking the bank.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/gas-savings-blog/

cont.


This book is a wonderful addition to any crochet library.
I've had numerous requests over the years of what to crochet for boys.
Crobots are definitely the answer!
This 96-page book is filled with numerous types of Crobot patterns as well as well-illustrated instructions for the
crochet stitches, assembly stitches and other embellishments used in the patterns.
The patterns are well written, some of the book is written in a small font but the pictures are wonderful.

NOTE: This book comes to you with a safety warning regarding the small parts used in the patterns.
Therefore, please use your own discretion as to the age of the child you intend the gift for.

 

 

 


I have to tell you about this new book.
SweaterBabe.com's Fabulous & Flirty Crochet
I'm so happy to have it in my crochet library.

Katherine Lee has an eye for style and a definite knack for creating beautiful crochet patterns.
I was really happy with the large colorful project photos.
There's something for everyone!
The aspect of Fabulous and Flirty Crochet that stood out to me was the section on the yarns
used in the patterns. One page shows "actual size" photos of the yarns which makes it super
easy to substitute other yarns if you want to. For those who stay strictly to the recommended
yarn in a pattern Katherine has included a yarn resource list. The projects are very fashionable
and perfect for gift giving... though I'm sure you'll have to make something for yourself :o)
I can't wait to try the Flirty Skirt and the Ruffled Strap Tank.

Get your copy of Fabulous & Flirty Crochet today!


 

=====================================================

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If your home business isn't growing as fast as you'd like, maybe you need to move to a new neighborhood!
Come be a part of our home and small business community at Creative Enterprises!
We bring new meaning to "networking" and resource sharing!
Sign up for your membership today at
7http://www.creativethought.com

cont.



HUMOR



~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Laughter is an instant vacation." - Milton Berle
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have
great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house
instead of two."

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.

He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad
that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."


So my parents were dining out in a Chinese restaurant
one evening with some friends from church and my Dad
was showing off his prowess with using chopsticks.

First he picked up a small piece of beef. Then he picked
up a slice of carrot. Then a snow pea, and finally he
demonstrated his skill by picking up one grain of rice.

Turning to the others at the table, he asked if there was
anything else they would like to see him pick up.

"Yes," my Dad's best friend says, "the check."


In a restroom at IBM's Watson Center, a supervisor had placed a
sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it --
"THINK!"

The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked at the
sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser,
someone had carefully lettered another sign which read --
"THOAP!"


A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson. She
gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for church.

"Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep
the other for yourself," she told the girl.

Sunday, when they were coming out of the church, the mother
asked her daughter which amount she had given.

"Well," said the little girl, "I was going to give the dollar,
but just before the collection the preacher said that God loves
a cheerful giver. I knew I'd be a lot more cheerful about giving
the quarter, so I did."


A visiting minister was very long-winded. Worse, every time he
would make a good point during his sermon and a member of the
congregation responded with "Amen" or "That's right, preacher"
he would get wound up even more and launch into another lengthy
discourse.
 
Finally, the host pastor started responding to every few sentences
with "Amen, Pharaoh!"

The guest minister wasn't sure what that meant, but after several
more "Amen, Pharaohs" he finally concluded his very lengthy sermon.
 
After the service concluded and the congregation had left, the
visiting minister turned to his host and asked, "What exactly did
you mean when you said "Amen, Pharaoh?"
 
His host replied, "I was telling you to let my people go!"


While riding the bus, my mother noticed a young man, who was
holding onto the same pole, staring at her. Eventually, he
said, "Excuse me. This is my stop."

Since she wasn't blocking his way, she was confused. "Well,"
she said, "go ahead."

"And this is my pole," he said.

My mother was completely perplexed until the young man added,
"I just bought it at the hardware store to hold up my shower
curtain."

And with that, he picked up his pole and carried it off the
bus.


It was the first day of school, after summer vacations and time for
me to pick up the children in my school bus and take them home again.
After I had made the complete run that afternoon, one little boy
remained on the bus.

Thinking he had simply missed his stop, I started driving slowly back
through the neighborhood and asked him to be sure to let me know if
any of the houses or people looked familiar. The boy sat in his seat
contentedly and shook his head whenever I asked him if he recognized
a person or place.

After the second unsuccessful tour of the area, I started back to the
school to ask for his address. When we arrived, the child got off the
bus and started walking away. "Wait!" I called. "We have to go inside
and find out where you live."

"I live right there," he said, pointing to a house across the street.
"I just always wanted to ride in a school bus."


Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"
 
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."
 
Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"
 
Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"


A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, "What's the problem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again."
"Well, uh, yes, it is." replied Carol. "I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane."
"Carol, you're right, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said the teacher, "but this once I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in."
"Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see, the plane was hijacked."


We were discussing the "don'ts" of public speaking in the
PR class I teach.

"Don'ts" include a man reaching into his pant pocket and
jangling change as he speaks, which is very distracting.
To illustrate my point, I asked for a student volunteer,
saying, "I need a man with coins in his pocket."

What I got was a girl yelling out, "Honey, so do I!"


The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat.
I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office."
The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"


A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his
flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up
a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice
echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out,
and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his
head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then
clicked the light back on and began searching for more
valuables.  Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could
disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is
watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking
for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the
room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.  "Did you
say that?" He hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to
warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird. 

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would
name a parrot Moses?"

The bird promptly answered, "Probably the same kind of people
that would name a Rotweiller "Jesus"!

 


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