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Crochet N More
Newsletter

Volume XV, Issue No. 2
January 30, 2012

Serving approximately 6,000 crafters...

(This newsletter distributed FREE via e-mail only on the 15th and 30th of each month)

 

Thank you for requesting the Crochet 'N' More Newsletter.
We hope to provide you with exciting information on the latest web developments pertaining to the Crochet 'N' More website as well as two of my original patterns in each issue.

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How to Start
a Tutoring Business

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God Bless You!

FEATURES IN THIS ISSUE:

GENERAL NEWS
QUESTIONS FROM THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
BIBLE TRIVIA
PAGES UPDATED
NEW LINKS
MEMBER PATTERNS
CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE
CROCHET TIP
VIEWER FEEDBACK
CONTEST/GIVE-AWAY INFORMATION
CLASSIFIED SECTION
HUMOR


GENERAL NEWS


 

Dear Subscriber:

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QUESTIONS FROM
THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD


Post your crochet question on
The Crochet 'N' More Message Board

and you might see it here!

QUESTION:

RE: Crocheted Poinsettia Pillow

I am looking for a poinsettia pillow pattern by Ruth Shepherd. I have lost part of my pattern. thank you. Jane Kaufman

 

ANSWER:

The only Poinsettia Pillow pattern I've been able to locate is on Ebay:
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Poinsettia-Pillow-11-1-2-Crochet-Pattern-/330573254027
Could this be the same?

Lisa Hamblin
CNM/MBA


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT



By three methods we may learn wisdom:
First, by reflection, which is noblest;
Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and
third by experience, which is the bitterest.
~~ Confucius ~~


Daniel answered and said, "Let the name of God be blessed forever and ever. For wisdom and power belong to Him. And it is He who changes the times and the epochs; He removes kings and establishes kings; He gives wisdom to wise men, and knowledge to men of understanding. It is He who reveals the profound and hidden things; He knows what is in the darkness, and the light dwells with Him. To Thee, O God of my fathers, I give thanks and praise, for Thou hast given me wisdom and power; even now Thou hast made known to me what we requested of Thee. For Thou hast made known to us th king's matter."

Daniel 2:20-23

 

How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding. For its profit is better than the profit of silver, and its gain than fine gold. She is more precious than jewels; and nothing you desire compares with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her, and happy are all who hold her fast. The Lord by wisdom founded the earth; by understanding He established the heavens. By His knowledge the deeps were broken up, and the skies drip with dew. My son, let them not depart from your sight; keep sound wisdom and discretion, so they will be life to your soul, and adornment to your neck. Then you will walk in your way securely, and your foot will not stumble.

Proverbs 3:13-23

 

Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father, and give attention that you may gain understanding, for I give you sound teaching; do not abandon my instruction. When I was a son to my father, tender and the only son in the sight of my mother, then he taught me and said to me, "Let your heart hold fast my words: Keep my commandments and live; acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her, and she will gaurd you; love her, and she will watch over you, the beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; and with all your acquiring, get understanding.

Proverbs 4:1-7

 

 

 

"YOU CAN ACQUIRE MUCH KNOWLEDGE,
BUT TRUE WISDOM COMES ONLY FROM GOD."

This quote is from Our Daily Bread - January 2012 Issue


Be careful the environment you choose, for it will
shape you; be careful the friends you choose, for
you will become like them.  - W. Clement Stone


"For where two or three have gathered
together in My name, there I am in their midst."
Matthew 18:20


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Where did King Nebuchandnezzar order
Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego to be thrown?

 

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PAGES UPDATED

Only major page changes will be listed here.


FREE PATTERNS
The following patterns will be added to our Free Patterns soon.

 

Linked Trebles Dish Towel Crochet Pattern
LINKED TREBLES
DISH TOWEL

In The Round Placemat Crochet Pattern

IN THE ROUND
PLACEMAT

 

 

 

 

Baby's ABC's Afghan Pix
BABY'S ABC'S AFGHAN

Updated page to include tips about and a link to a YouTube video discussing this pattern.

 

Picot Points Doily Crochet Pattern
PICOT POINTS DOILY

Corrected pattern... corrections in blue.

 

 

 

 

 


NEW LINKS

The following link(s) have been added to our links pages.


 

RECYCLED INTO YARN

 

 

 

 

 

 


MEMBER PATTERNS


(SUBSCRIBERS SEE THESE FIRST)
However, these patterns will be added to the Crochet 'N' More website after the next issue is sent out.

 


Cable Scarf Crochet Pattern
CABLE SCARF

 

 

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CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE

(A different crochet stitch and/or tip featured in each issue...
to be added later to the Crochet Basics page)


TREBLE CROCHET
Also known as Triple Crochet
( TR or TC)

Yarn over twice, then insert your hook into the stitch or space indicated.

Yarn over and pull up a loop. (4 loops on hook.)
Yarn over and draw through 2 loops. (3 loops on hook.)
Yarn over and draw through 2 loops. (2 loops on hook.)
Yarn over and draw through two loops.

Click here for youtube video

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"On-line encyclopedia of knitting and crochet facts"
http://www.lionbrand.com/faq/learnToCrochet.pdf


CROCHET TIP


If you spend a lot of time in the car... organize crochet hooks, scissors, stitch markers and other notions in a visor organizer so you will have everything you need to work on a project.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scrap Yarn Ideas ... do you have number 90?

 

The following page is compilation of uses for scrap yarns:
SCRAP YARN IDEAS

If you have a use that's not listed email me!


VIEWER FEEDBACK

NOTE: Any comments left on the CNM website or sent via email may be posted here.

Leave your message in our guestbook... and it may appear in an issue of the CNM Newsletter!


Visit the Crochetnmore Facebook page
to read what viewers are saying about our patterns and videos.

 


Subject: Walker tote

Do you know where I can find a knit or crochet pattern for walker totes?
--
Beverly

<< reply >>

Here are links to a few walker tote patterns:

http://suzies-yarnie-stuff.blogspot.com/2009/10/3-x-3-walker-totes.html

http://www.myrecycledbags.com/2007/10/13/wheelchair-walker-tote-bag/

http://www.kaleidesigns.com/crochet/patterns/archive/cadd001.html

http://www.bevscountrycottage.com/wheelchairtote.html


Lisa I'm so happy to be able to look at the video, I do much better by seeing the stitches to learn a new pattern. I'm 70 now and I use to be so good at reading patterns but now I do better by watching them. thank you again for doing this.

Joyce Harris


Thank you Lisa.
Those are very nice. Have a great 2012!!
God bless Emmy


RE: Dog_Sweater_Pattern

Stuck on row 21 of easy dog sweater crochet pattern
After I chain 16 do I bend chain around to where the chain started--or
do I go to beginning chain of the last row made?

Karen

<< reply >>

Yes... just connect that chain to the first stitch you made
on that round... chain 2 and continue with Rnd 22.


Re: ReadAPattern

I am starting to crochet a baby cocoon & hat. In the instructions it uses the letters "PM". Can you explain what these letters mean? Example: "PM in center sc of the last 3 sc, working on opposite side of chain."

Thank you very much
Ralpat225

<< reply >>

I use that abbreviation for “place marker”.


How do you do a free loop in crochet ?

Teresa

<< reply >>

To crochet into a free loop... you work into the unworked loop of a previous stitch. Is this what you’re referring to?


RE: Stitch_Question

I am looking for a plain knit or crochet pattern for a thick 7 or 8 inch hot pad.
Do you have a pattern that fits that description?
Thanks so much for your help!
Joan Elmore

<< reply >>

Here are a few hot pad patterns you might like:

http://www.crochetnmore.com/hotpadsquare.htm

http://www.crochetnmore.com/crabstitchhotpad.htm

http://www.crochetnmore.com/popcornhotpad.htm

These aren’t exactly “plain”.
You can make a hot pad using two strands of cotton
along with your favorite stitch.


Subject: need help with crochet abbreviation

Hi, Can you tell me what it means in crochet instructions when they put the '@' sign ? I cannot find this in the abbreviations page anywhere.

Thank you very much

Cindy

<< reply >>

Designers use symbols to set off instructions to be referred to again later on in a pattern. Does your pattern refer to the @ sign later on in that row/round?


Thanks again for these great videos Lisa! WOW! 45 videos now... fantastic! I just stopped by to view the row count videos again so I can give it try later. I need a wee-little break from my Scarves for Special Olympics that I am making. I think I got it... Being able to watch you crochet the square from beginning to end really helped me remember everything that needs to be done. I got to run over to your website now and print the heart coaster pattern now. Thanks again my friend. T =)


How to Crochet - Ruffled Edge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWy8GUxnt_A

Comment :

and what do you do when you get to the end?
kitkatNEF

You can work the ruffle along one or all sides of a project.
For one side you simply finish off at the end of the row.
If you work all the way around an afghan you would join with a slip stitch to
join the round.

 


How to Crochet - Ruffled Edge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWy8GUxnt_A

Just what i was looking for! so how can i add another color to the edge of the ruffles? thanks!


@kitkatNEF I will be posting another video soon demonstrating how to add a "double ruffle". A double ruffle can be made using one color or two contrasting colors. The video will show how to make it using two contrasting colors.

You can add an additional(s) to the single ruffle also if you want to make it wider.

How to Crochet - Double Ruffled Edge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Np6zEvuu7AM


How to Crochet - Linked Treble Crochet Stitch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNpRBcZV7-g

Comment:

What a great video! I get your newsletter in my email and learned about this stitch through that. I had never heard of this stitch before, i'm a fairly new crocheter, but i'm always glad to learn a new stitch. :-) Thank you Lisa for your great website, newsletter and now your videos, you've been a great help to me.
sylvislellis77

 


How to Crochet - Linked Treble Crochet Stitch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNpRBcZV7-g

Comments:

What a great video! I get your newsletter in my email and learned about this stitch through that. I had never heard of this stitch before, i'm a fairly new crocheter, but i'm always glad to learn a new stitch. :-) Thank you Lisa for your great website, newsletter and now your videos, you've been a great help to me.

sylvislellis77


RE: Round Crochet

Have you ever done any videos for beginners to do round crochet? I haven't been able to find any as good as the one you did for chain stitch crochet for beginners. Yours was the easiest one to both see and hear.

If you have done one for beginners in round crochet, very beginners, could you tell me where to find them?

Thank you once again for the first chain stitch video, which I found immensely helpful and easy to understand.

Helen Bookman

<< reply >>

Actually I’m going to make more videos tonight.
Is there a certain type of round crocheted item you would like
to see? Or just a video that shows “in general” how to crochet
a round piece?

I plan on doing a video on how to work in a “continuous round”.

<< Helen's Reply >>


I would love a basic round crochet, but I am hoping, eventually in my fondest dreams, to learn also how to crochet lacy types of round crochet. Not lace, but say the type you would use to make a lacy pattern in a hat or an embelishment for hats or other clothing.

But the basic round crochet is most important (walk first, run later). If there were instructions on how to increase or decrease, those would be fascinating. Not necessarily doable, but fascinating anyway.

Thank you so much for your response. I never thought it would be so fast!

God bless,

Helen


RE: ABC Baby Blanket

I have never done a chart always written instruction I really want do this pattern for my first G grandson due in April My granddaughter in law is fix the nursery in the ABC and I just can not get the chart in my head count the stitches just not come out right I count 23 stitch then a bubble and on 9th stitch another bubble for the starting Z Is this correct? Thank you so much for any help or advice BJ

<< reply >>

See if this larger copy of the graph helps:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/babysabcsafghangraphpix-lg.jpg
Inside each square (between the puff stitch dividers) is 27 stitches tall x 27 stitches wide.
Each letter is 13 stitches tall x 7 stitches wide.

I’ve made this pattern many times.
I like working the border as I go instead of adding it later... therefore I add
4 more stitches to my foundation chain in order to incorporate two extra stitches on each side of the afghan... placing puff stitches to form the edges.

I add two additional rows to the beginning and two additional rows to the end.
To begin I work Row 1 all single crochet... then Row 2 I work the same as Row 28.
For Row 168 I work the same as Row 28 and then finish working Row 169 in all single crochet.

To read the graph you begin where it says “start” (unless you work the border like I suggest).
Read Row 1 from Right to Left.
Read Row 2 from Left to Right.
Continue reading all ODD rows from Right to Left and all EVEN rows from Left to Right.

Please let me know if you have further questions.


RE: Adult_Bib

Your pattern for the adult bib does not specify how much 4 ply cotton yarn is needed.

Wanda Dixon

<< reply >>

I made the Bib from a 14 ounce cone of cotton yarn and
failed to weigh it before giving it to a friend. I would estimate
the yarn amount to be around 6 ounces.


RE: ReadAPattern

my pattern reads: (ch 3,sk next 3chs,sc in next ch) twice;
Please explain.
Douglas

<< reply >>

This means you do the following:

chain 3
skip the next 3 chains
single crochet in the next chain (that’s one time)

chain 3
skip the next 3 chains
single crochet in the next chain (this makes twice)



RE: Ribbed Dog Sweater

Where does the legs go?
Celia

<< reply >>

The openings for the dog’s front legs are formed as you join the chest piece of this pattern.
Look at this photo:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/ribbeddogsweaterpix.jpg
you can see one of the leg openings on the lower left part of the sweater.


RE: Dog_Sweater_Pattern

How do not turn at the end of the row
Celia

<< reply >>

If a pattern instructs you not to turn... just keep working in the same direction instead of turning the work over and working back across the stitches you just did.


RE: PomPomPreemieHat

I’m about half way through with making this and on RNDS 2-28 it reads that I just keep crocheting around and that I’m not adding any extra stitches. As a result this is looking like an oval, elongated thing with kind of two points at each end. I’ve looked at your picture and I’m having trouble visualizing how this is going to turn into a hat. The instructions say you create the pompom and pull both ends of the foundation row. Then I pull the pointed ends together and attach the pompom. This will pull the ends and make the round opening for the baby’s head.

Do I have this right or am I missing something.

<< reply >>

Yes, the pattern works up as an oval shape.
When you add the pom pom you join the first and last stitches
of the foundation chain (round 1) together using the yarn you tie the pom pom with.


Please help me,

I want to know how you crochet the following;

ch-5 lp

[ Ch 5, sk 4 chs, sl st in next ch]

Thanks for the help,
Betsie

<< reply >>

>> ch-5 lp
this is referring to a chain 5 loop... or the next section on the working row where you made 5 chains. When you see instructions referring to working into the ch-5 lp you work the stitches into the hole beneath the 5 chains.

>> [ Ch 5, sk 4 chs, sl st in next ch]

This means you make 5 chains, skip 4 chains and then slip stitch in the next chain.
Since this is inside brackets [ ] you will do this the number of times indicated after the closing bracket.



Re: Help with crochet pattern instructions

I am just starting to crochet and follow a pattern. I read your pattern reading explanations on the internet, but am still confused. Please help explain what these instructions are saying:

Ch 1, sc in first sc, [ch 1 sc in next ch-1 sp] twice, ch1, sc in last sc; turn - 4 sc and 3 ch-1 sps.

Thank you for your help. Hope to hear from you soon so I can get started. I may need more help later.

Beverly Antilley

<< reply >>

For your instructions you do the following:
chain 1
work one single crochet in the first single crochet
[
chain 1
single crochet in the next chain 1 space (work the stitch into the hole
beneath that chain) -- that's one time -

chain 1
single crochet in the next chain 1 space (work the stitch into the hole
beneath that chain) -- this makes twice -
]
chain 1
work a single crochet in the last single crochet
turn
when you finish you should have 4 single crochet stitches and three chain 1
spaces.


I’m pretty new at this, and I did see a BEAUTIFUL pattern (Kelly’s Sweater)
which I have just begun to make.. At the armhole, though , I’m having a REAL
problem. To have the armhole opening, it only has 5 ch’s --- and this is
WAY TOO SMALL for the top of an armhole, I think. Am I missing something,
or should it be more like 15 ch’s for that opening? I am making it with a
size K hook in order to fit a child who wears 18mo – 24mo size clothes.

THEN, the instructions aren’t clear to me on skipping a number of st’s for the
opening. It doesn’t say that anywhere, yet it appears in the photos that st’s
have been skipped. I’m just not clear on how many to skip. Should I eyeball this?

Can you clarify for me? I’m just starting the armholes now.

THANKS!!

Cathleen

<< reply >>

I looked at the “Kelly’s Sweater” pattern
http://bellabambinaknits.blogspot.com/2007/03/kellys-sweater.html
and agree that the armhole looks a bit on the small side... especially for a larger baby.
You could add extra chains to make a larger armhole.
I don’t think extra stitches for the armhole would alter the pattern very much.

As far as how many stitches to skip... this pattern refers to working the next
stitch in a certain “corner” which would skip all stitches between where you are
and that corner stitch.

I do hope you managed to get this pattern to work out for you.


RE: Help with crochet pattern

My name is Amber and I just learned or am beginning to learn how to crochet.
This is my first project and it is a doily. I am on round 6 and it says:

Sl st in next 2dc and in next ch-3 sp; beg shell in same sp; * + ch 5, working over next ch-5 sp, sc in corresponding ch-5 sp on 2nd rnd below; ch 5 +; shell in ch-3 sp of next shell -- shell in shell made; rep from * 6 times more, then rep from + to + once; join in 3rd ch of beg ch-3.

I'm not sure about the "beg shell made". does that mean to do something from the previous round?

I love your website, it is very helpful.

Thanks so much already,
Amber

<< reply >>


>>Sl st in next 2dc and in next ch-3 sp; beg shell in same sp; * + ch 5, working
>> over next ch-5 sp, sc in corresponding ch-5 sp on 2nd rnd below; ch 5 +;
>> shell in ch-3 sp of next shell -- shell in shell made; rep from * 6 times more,
>> then rep from + to + once; join in 3rd ch of beg ch-3.

This means you work a slip stitch in the next 2 double crochet stitches.
Slip stitch in the next chain 3 space (into the hole beneath the 3 chains)
work a beginning shell (instructions for this should be in the pattern) in the
same space.
*
+
chain 5
working over the next chain 5 space... single crochet in the corresponding
chain 5 of the second round below (this means to reach down to that round
to work the single crochet)
chain 5
+
work a shell (instructions should be in the pattern) in the chain 3 space of
the next shell. (that places this shell in the shell on the previous round)
now repeat from the asterisk * 6 more times.
now repeat from + to + once and join with a slip stitch in the 3rd chain
of the beginning chain 3.


>> I'm not sure about the "beg shell made". does that mean to do something
>> from the previous round?

“beg shell made” just means that the instructions you just followed formed
a beginning shell.

>>I love your website, it is very helpful.
Thank you... refer to links in my signature line for new ways to enjoy
Crochetnmore, including a YouTube Video Channel.


RE:Khloe's_Stripes_Afghan

About what size does this afghan come out? thanks!
Charlene

<< reply >>

This afghan measures approximately 25"x27".


RE: Read A Pattern

pattern says : Body: ch46. Sc in second chain from hook -so far so good.........now it says *ch-1,skip one ch, sc in next ch*
my query is what does ch-1 mean?
jo hardy

<< reply >>

>>..now it says *ch-1,skip one ch, sc in next ch*
>>my query is what does ch-1 mean?

The asterisk is there as a reference for later.
You will chain 1, then skip one chain, then work a single crochet in the next chain.
Then your pattern should say something about repeating from the asterisk to finish
that row.

<< Jo's Reply >>

Its ok lisa, it is not ch1 though, it is ch-1 which is to work in the space below [from the previous row] and the numbers are not stitches they are the total rows to do
[I figured it out in the end] thanks anyway
jo

<< Lisa's Reply >>

Ch1 and ch-1 stand for the same thing... and in your instruction that means you need
to make one chain. So on subsequent rows your instructions had you work into those chain spaces?

Glad you figured your pattern out.

<< Jo's Reply >>

gosh lisa you're brilliant!, I had it completely wrong - your tip that ch1 IS the same as ch-1 is correct.[in this pattern at least.] all I could find on the internet was to work in the space on the previous row so consequently the work was all bunched up and obviously wrong. thank you but why couldn't the designer have said what ch-1 is? I am not the only one confused judging by the comments! so thanks a million, now I AM doing it correctly. jo

<< Lisa's Reply >>

I’m glad I could clear that up for you.
The designer has probably crocheted for many years, like myself, and
we tend to forget how confusing the language can be to beginners.
Feel free to write anytime.


 

 

Kind words can be short and easy to speak,
but their echoes are truly endless.
                                   Mother Teresa


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http://www.gasmileageguide.com/

There's also a free Version available.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/freepreview.htm
Also make sure to check out almost daily tips for saving money
and having fun without breaking the bank.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/gas-savings-blog/

cont.


This book is a wonderful addition to any crochet library.
I've had numerous requests over the years of what to crochet for boys.
Crobots are definitely the answer!
This 96-page book is filled with numerous types of Crobot patterns as well as well-illustrated instructions for the
crochet stitches, assembly stitches and other embellishments used in the patterns.
The patterns are well written, some of the book is written in a small font but the pictures are wonderful. NOTE: This book comes to you with a safety warning regarding the small parts used in the patterns.
Therefore, please use your own discretion as to the age of the child you intend the gift for.


I have to tell you about this new book.
SweaterBabe.com's Fabulous & Flirty Crochet
I'm so happy to have it in my crochet library.Katherine Lee has an eye for style and a definite knack for creating beautiful crochet patterns.
I was really happy with the large colorful project photos.
There's something for everyone!
The aspect of Fabulous and Flirty Crochet that stood out to me was the section on the yarns
used in the patterns. One page shows "actual size" photos of the yarns which makes it super
easy to substitute other yarns if you want to. For those who stay strictly to the recommended
yarn in a pattern Katherine has included a yarn resource list. The projects are very fashionable
and perfect for gift giving... though I'm sure you'll have to make something for yourself :o)
I can't wait to try the Flirty Skirt and the Ruffled Strap Tank.

Get your copy of Fabulous & Flirty Crochet today!


=====================================================

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Come be a part of our home and small business community at Creative Enterprises!
We bring new meaning to "networking" and resource sharing!
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7http://www.creativethought.com

cont.



HUMOR



~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Laughter is an instant vacation." - Milton Berle
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

A client recently brought her two cats in to my husband's veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek black cat.

She watched closely as I put each on the scale. "They weigh about the same," I told her.

"That proves it!" she exclaimed. "Black does make you look slimmer. And stripes make you look fat."


A farmer and his wife had just awakened one morning to

the crowing of their rooster. While still in bed, the farmer's

wife says, "Pa, you know our neighbor Mr. Jones?"

"Yes Ma, I reckon I do," replied the sleepy farmer.

"Well, every morning before he leaves the house for work,

he gives his wife a big ol' kiss. Why don't you ever do that? "

The farmer sighed and said, "Well, I reckon

I can, but I just don't know her very well.


Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by the curb for trash collection. Since it was in good shape, many motorists slowed down for a look. But when they saw how enormous it was, they'd leave.

Eventually a compact car pulled up, and two men got out.

This I've got to see, I thought.

They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside down and shook it hard. Then they picked up all the coins that tumbled out, and drove off.


Several women in the church prayer group were visiting an
elderly friend who was ill. After awhile, they rose to leave
and told her; "We'll do what we can to help. We promise to
keep you in our prayers."

"Just do something more useful like wash the dishes in the
kitchen," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying."


Patty had been wanting new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband Don, insisted they were an extravagance.

She went to visit her dad for two weeks and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that Don had surprised her by installing beautiful new cabinets as a Christmas present for her.

A few days later, Debbie, a neighbor came over to visit and after admiring the new cabinets, the neighbor added, "All of us were so glad that the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined to the kitchen.


Little Joe walked into his dad's study while his dad was working on the computer.

"Dad," said Joe, "Remember when you told me you'd give me twenty dollars if I passed my math test?"

Dad nodded.

"Well, the good news is that I just saved you twenty bucks."


Without realizing it, I walked right into a police stakeout at
my local Blockbuster. When a young man stepped out the door, a
group of officers pounced, cuffing him and hustling him into a
squad car.

Seeing my astonished frozen expression, one cop came over and
said, "When they say the movie is due by noon the next day...
they mean it!"


Although desperate to find work, I passed up a
job I found on an employment website. It was for
a wastewater plant operator.

Among the job requirements: "Must be able to
swim."


As a schoolteacher expecting my first child, I
had attended natural-childbirth classes. One of
my classmates was in the hospital in labor at the
same time I was. She quickly requested drugs to
ease her pain, while I gave birth aided only by my
husband's coaching.

When the nurses rolled me out of the delivery
room, I spotted a chalkboard. Beside my classmate's
name was an A-; next to mine was a B+.

"Alan, look at that!" I complained to my husband.
"She took all the drugs they'd give her and made an
A-! I did it naturally and only got a B!"

My patient husband rolled his eyes. "Kathy," he said,
"that's your blood type."


"I would like some vitamins for my son," the
mother said as she walked into the pharmacy.

"Vitamins A, B, or C?" asks the pharmacist.

"It doesn't matter, he can't read yet."


My husband wore his Army uniform with pride. One day, coming home
from the base and dressed in olive drab fatigues, he stopped off
at the grocery store to pick up a few things.

While in line at the check out counter, he noticed a little boy
standing with his Mother. The boy took one look at my husband in
his uniform, and his eyes grew wide. My husband in turn gave the
young man a crisp salute. The boy was so excited.

He pointed at my husband and announced,
" LOOK , MOM, A GIANT BOY SCOUT."


An elderly gentleman wasn't feeling well, and became irritated with his doctor because he wasn't getting better after five visits.

"Look!" said the doctor. "I'm doing all I can to help you. I can't make you younger!"

"I wasn't interested in getting any younger," said the man. "I just want to continue getting older."

 


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Preview Parenting Advice at Mamasource!

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