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Crochet N More
Newsletter

Volume XIII, Issue No. 23
December 15, 2010

Serving approximately 6,000 crafters...

(This newsletter distributed FREE via e-mail only on the 15th and 30th of each month)

 

Thank you for requesting the Crochet 'N' More Newsletter.
We hope to provide you with exciting information on the latest web developments pertaining to the Crochet 'N' More website as well as two of my original patterns in each issue.

If the Crochet N More website and/or Crochet N More Newsletter
have been helpful to you and you would like to make a donation

Click Here

THIS ISSUE IS SPONSORED BY:



  www.joann.com 

cont.

Haley (and her Dad) have been hard at work on our Cafe Press T-shirt shop.
We've expanded a bit. We have a crochet t-shirts section.
Just click on the design you like.
We also have crochet cups, mugs, aprons, and totes.
Some crochet stuff for your baby (bibs, onesies, etc).
We'll be expanding and putting up more designs in the months and weeks ahead.
And Haley wanted me to say thank you for all those who have bought things and visited.

cont.

God Bless You!

FEATURES IN THIS ISSUE:

GENERAL NEWS
QUESTIONS FROM THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
BIBLE TRIVIA
PAGES UPDATED
NEW LINKS
MEMBER PATTERNS
CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE
CROCHET TIP
VIEWER FEEDBACK
CONTEST/GIVE-AWAY INFORMATION
CLASSIFIED SECTION
HUMOR


GENERAL NEWS


 

Dear Subscriber:

 

 

Merry Christmas!

The Candy Cane Legend

 

We would also like to invite you to
Dedicate OR ReDedicate your life to Christ

this holiday season.

 

Visit our Blog:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/crochetblog/

and our Facebook Fan Page:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Crochetnmore/277255108133

 

 

Lisa and Tim

 

Follow Crochetnmore on Twitter

 

 

The Breast Cancer Site

 


QUESTIONS FROM
THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD


Post your crochet question on The Crochet 'N' More Message Board and you might see it here!

QUESTION:

Re: NFL crochet afghan patterns

I would like a pattern for a football blanket with the helment in the middle.
luann

ANSWER:

MAYBE THIS SITE WILL HELP.
http://www.citiusa.com/sports2.html

JJKnitter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT


Mary Did You Know?

"Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, a virgin will be with child and bear a son, and she will call His name Immanuel"

Isaiah 7:14

Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and shall bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel, which translated means, "God with us."

Matthew 1:23

 

Now in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city in Galilee, called Nazareth, to a virgin engaged to a man whose name was Joseph, of the descendants of David; and the virgin's name was Mary. And coming in, he said to her, "Hail, favored one! The Lord is with you." But she was greatly troubled at this statement, and kept pondering what kind of salutation this might be. And the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary; for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb, and bear a son, and you shall name Him Jesus. He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David; and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever; and His kingdom will have no end."

Luke 1:26-33

 

"Now it came about in those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth. This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. And all were proceeding to register form the census, everyone to his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, in order to register, along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child. And it came about that while they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her first-born son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn."

Luke 2:1-7

 

"THE KEY WORD OF CHRISTMAS IS
'IMMANUEL' -- GOD WITH US!"

This quote is from Our Daily Bread - December, 2010 Issue


This is a video of a little girl telling (reciting) the story of Jonah.
It is sooooooooo worth watching! I have watched it at least 10 times.......

Take the time to listen. You will enjoy this. Almost unbelievable regardless of how much practice she done.

Geneva Kennedy

Jonah on Vimeo

David and Goliath
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68PEDDQ3ULk&feature=related

Noah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhMiugUcUtQ&feature=related

Mary Margaret singing "Tomorrow"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SntZNRUrF3o&feature=related

 

 

 


Top 10 Predictions for 2011


The Bible will still have all the answers.
Prayer will still be the most powerful thing on Earth.
The Holy Spirit will still move.
God will still honor the praises of His people.
There will still be God-anointed preaching.
There will still be singing of praise to God.
God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
There will still be room at the Cross.
God will still love you.
God will still save the lost when they come to Him.
~author unknown~


 

"For where two or three have gathered
together in My name, there I am in their midst."
Matthew 18:20


Please click here and pray for those on our Prayer List


BIBLE TRIVIA


Fill in the blanks:

"For nothing will be ___________ with God."

 

Click Here for the Answer

 

Click Here to Purchase
"The Complete Book of Bible Trivia"

 

Click here for more Bible Trivia


PAGES UPDATED

Only major page changes will be listed here.


FREE PATTERNS
The following patterns will be added to our Free Patterns soon.

 

6" Christmas Afghan Square Crochet Pattern
CHRISTMAS AFGHAN SQUARE

 

Tree Christmas Ornament Crocheet Pattern
TREE CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


NEW LINKS

The following link(s) have been added to our links pages.


None at this time.

 

 

 

 

 

 


MEMBER PATTERNS


(SUBSCRIBERS SEE THESE FIRST)
However, these patterns will be added to the Crochet 'N' More website after the next issue is sent out.

Check out all of our free crochet patterns.

Purchase your crochet supplies today!

Use the promotion code below
in your online shopping basket:

Clearance Sale



CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE

(A different crochet stitch and/or tip featured in each issue...
to be added later to the Crochet Basics page)


LOOP STITCH (Lp St)

Insert the hook in the next st,
grab the working yarn in a clockwise motion from left to right,
looping the working yarn over your finger or a large knitting needle.
Grab the working yarn and draw it through the stitch.
Drop the loop to the back of the crochet fabric.
Yarn over and draw through remaining loops on the hook.

 

Viewer Stitch Idea

Subject: looking for a pattern

Hi
Im looking for a loopy crochet pattern for babies hat booties sweeter do
u know where i would ever find one ? can you help me?
Thank you Barby

<< reply >>

You can find a free pattern for a Loop Stitch Baby Set here:
http://blog.vintage-crochet-patterns.com/2010/04/loop-stitch-baby-set/

Tutorials on the loop stitch:
http://www.crochetme.com/forums/t/28870.aspx
http://www.craftpassion.com/2010/03/crochet-tutorial-loop-stitch.html
http://www.nexstitch.com/v_loop_stitch.html

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-----

ILLUSTRATED BASIC CROCHET INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE BEGINNER:

HOW TO DO A STARTING CHAIN

SINGLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

HALF DOUBLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

DOUBLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

TRIPLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)

"On-line encyclopedia of knitting and crochet facts"
http://www.lionbrand.com/faq/learnToCrochet.pdf

 


CROCHET TIP


If you want a lengthy take-along project and don't want to carry all the supplies needed for an afghan... try a thread project. Items for a thread project take up a lot less room. A doily project offers hours of crochet enjoyment.

 

 

 

 

Scrap Yarn Ideas ...

do you have number 84?

 

 

The following page is compilation of uses for scrap yarns:
SCRAP YARN IDEAS

If you have a use that's not listed email me!

 


VIEWER FEEDBACK

NOTE: Any comments left on the CNM website or sent via email may be posted here.

Leave your message in our guestbook... and it may appear in an issue of the CNM Newsletter !


Re: Basics Page

Thank you. You are the first one who ever explained how to work into a ch-sp properly. Even the basic how-to books don't say exactly. I thought it was what you explained but . . . Too many authors presume too much knowledge for beginners who are teaching themselves how to do it. I checked a dozen websites before I found you. I'm no longer a beginner but still have lots of gaps in my knowledge.

Have a great day.

Sr Margaret Mary

 


Re: Dog Bandana

This is the third time I've e-mailed asking for where the directions 
on this pattern are that tell how to shape it into the triangle.  
Unless I am totally stupid I can't seem to find out where, in your 
directions, it tells how to get from the neck band to the actual 
bandana.  Could you please respond?  Thank you.

Jean

<< reply >>

I recently switched computers and many of the emails
I had in my inbox on my old computer didn't get transferred
to this computer.  I'm still working on that.

As for the Dog Bandana... you make the band... then fasten off.
The triangle portion of the bandana begins by reattaching the
yarn in the 20th stitch from where you fastened off.  When you
repeat R5 the triangle forms.


I'm back with AOL, and have signed up for your newsletters and patterns again (in late October I believe) I've even received the confirmation of being on your mailing list again, but I'm still not receiving anything. Hope all is well with you and yours, and this is just a "glitch" as the techs say. Thank You in advance for your help in this matter.  Ruth

<< reply >>


According to the database your email address Opted Out
of receiving the newsletter. I tried to add you back manually
but once a person Opts Out it won’t let me add them back in.

The CNM Newsletter is a Double-Opt-In... which means:
1. you submit the email address you wish to receive it at.
2. you receive a Welcome email.
3. you have to click the link in that email to confirm your subscription.


Thank you Lisa.  I like your square and ornament.  They are really neat!
God bless Emmy


Subject: Increasing the size of the puff stitch baby hat

I'd like to make the puff stitch baby hat but, I need to make it for an 18 month old girl. Do I just use a larger hook or can you assist with a size increase?

Thanks

Cheryl

<< reply >>


Using a larger hook and/or yarn would increase the size a bit.

You should be able to enlarge this pattern using the recommended materials
by adding additional increases. Repeating round 4 additional times should
help to make the hat larger.

http://www.crochetnmore.com/puffstitchbabyhat.htm


Subject: Christmas stocking

I'm wanting to put a name on a stocking that my grandmother made before she died. Could you tell me how to do that or where to go to find out?

Thanks
Terri

<< reply >>


Is the stocking knitted or crocheted?

I have made crocheted stockings and added names by
graphing the name to see how many stitches I needed
to use for each letter - then I use a slip stitch or single crochet
stitch to work the name directly on the stocking.

With a slip knot on my hook I insert the hook through a stitch
in the fabric (insert and come back up through the viewed side)
and complete either a slip stitch or a single crochet stitch.
You can use either stitch depending on how thick you want the
letters to be.

You can also “couch” yarn or cord using invisible thread and a sewing needle. Couching is done by laying down your chain to form the design or letters (you can use any type of yarn or cord) and with invisible sewing thread and a needle you sew over the yarn or cord to fasten it on.


Subject: using the #7 steel hook to begin a crocheted hanging dishtowel

I am trying my first crocheted hanging dishtowel, and feel good about
the stitches I have been practicing but am not sure how to use the
steel hook to begin the project. Any suggestions? I feel a little
dense right now. Thanks

<< reply >>

For this pattern:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/clusterhangingdishtowel.htm

You cut the dish towel in half and fold the cut edge over twice so the rough edge is hidden. You can sew the hem or not... that's a personal preference. Now... use the #7 Steel Hook to "poke holes" through the fabric just below where you folded it over. Work one single crochet near the edge and as you keep that edge folded you evenly space a total of 57 single crochet stitches across the edge of the towel.

Now change to the G Hook, ch 1, turn.... and continue the pattern.

You might enjoy our No Sew Towel Topper pattern also:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/nosewtoweltopper.htm


Subject: ReadAPattern

What's the right st to use when you have to assemble your baby sweater?
Thanks, Bev

<< reply >>

Most sweater patterns call for "sewing" seams using a yarn needle
and the same yarn used in the sweater.

If you want to crochet the seams together I recommend using
a slip stitch and the same yarn used in the sweater. The slip stitch
will make the seams smaller.

For a unique sweater design, you could join the sweater sections
holding the wrong sides together (on the outer side) so the stitches
actually show. That would leave no seam on the inside that might
irritate the baby's skin.


Subject: Suggestion/Question

I would appreciate a refresher of the crochet stitches such as sc, dbl crochet, half dbl chrochet. I have not crochet in about 30 years & would love to get easy instructions just to start a striped scarf for my granddaughter. I saw your ad and was hoping you could help me. Thank you so much. I look forward to working with you. Thanks again -barbara

<< reply >>

I’m glad to hear you are getting back into crocheting.
You can find crochet abbreviations/instructions on my Crochet Basics Page:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/123basics.htm
I try my best to list the stitch instructions step-by-step to make learning
(or remembering) easier. Please let me know if you need instructions for
anything not listed on that page.

Do you have a scarf pattern picked out already?

 


Subject: Dog sweater

I am have a little trouble with the round 22 where you chain 2 and don't turn, to make the chest part. Where do I start the next round if you don't turn.
Thanks
Vicki

<< reply >>

Once you chain 2, you work the next half double in the very next stitch.
You will work one half double crochet in each stitch and in each chain
for that row.


Subject: Crochet Patterns


I am looking for a publication that would compare to Magic Crochet or Decorative Crochet.

I subscribed to these magazines for years and have found nothing comparable.

Can you make any suggestions?

Thank You

Ann Graden

<< reply >>

I used to subscribe to both of those magazines and to
be honest, I don’t think there are any comparable magazines
on the market. Decorative Crochet was definitely the magazine
for anyone who loves to crochet with thread.

As far as current magazines go... I like these:

Crochet!
Crochet World
and Crochet Today

Positively Crochet looks nice, but I haven’t subscribed to it.


Today I was volunteering at a nursing home when I saw this Knee rug.
I have never seen on like it. The daughter said her mum ha had it forever and if I can get the pattern she would love it so I am hoping you can help me.
It is vey hard to explain so I hope your brain works like mine. A row of chain was the first row making it the width of the rug. It was 2 double treble 2 chain and so on to the end.
It looked like the rug was made like that then turned over and the same done on the other side. . It was thick.and seemed to be double.
I am sure it sounds like double dutch but I thought I would give it a go
Regards
Jean

<< reply >>

Could you send me a picture of the rug?
I have something in my mind envisioning your description
but to be sure I need to see it.

<< Jean's reply >>

At last I have a photo of the rug.

Waffle Stitch Crochet

I hope you can help me as it is most unusual and very warm
Blessings
Jean

<< my reply >>

I believe this pattern uses the Waffle Stitch... you can see
how this stitch is made on this page:
http://www.pattern-making.com/fancy-crochet-stitches/
It’s beautiful, by the way!

 


Re: My blog tonight, about one of your newsletter items...

It has been a while since I last wrote to you about your wonderful newsletter and your crochetnmore website.
I have always loved the combination of faith and creative hands.

I blogged about the quotes in one of your April issues, and you can read it with the link below...
http://prayersncrafts.blogspot.com/2010/12/when-silence-is-golden.html

As always, God bless you and your wonderful efforts.

Hugs and prayers
Evie


Re: Dog_Sweater_Pattern

Schotzi is ADORABLE and I LOVE this pattern!!  I also have a min schnauzer and we have the very same problem with other sweater designs.

Thank you SO much for sharing!  I can't wait to get home and get started!!


Lisa Moore



Re: Selling finished product

I noticed that some patterns and the website does not specify whether or not a finished product can be sold. If someone makes something using a pattern from your website, can they sell it?

Mone’t Gipson

<< reply >>

Yes... I do allow items made using my patterns
to be given as gifts and/or sold for profit.
Keep in mind that not all patterns on my website
are my designs.

Thanks for asking!

 


Subject: Sawyer's_Sweater

Hi There
I've just gotten to crocheting again after 50 years and I really want to make the Sawyers's Sweater but I do not understand how the puff balls are used at the back of the sweater. I thought it was done like a pop-corn stitch when I was younger........please explain how it is done. Also what does the ps. and the rev mean how it is done.


My grandmother taught me how to start to crochet when I was age 4...I crocheted miles of chains.....LOL Yes, I'm now 73 and still ready to learning.......LOL
Thank you
Willie

Sc ps is a single crochet puff stitch.
Here’s how:

Yarn over, pull up a loop
Yarn over, pull up a loop
Yarn over, pull up a loop
Yarn over, pull up a loop
You should have 9 loops on the hook
Yarn over
Pull through 8 loops
Yarn over
Pull through 2 loops
Push the puff stitch to the front of the work.
Continue with next stitch.

Rev sc is a reverse single crochet (a/k/a Crab Stitch).

A reverse single crochet is worked from left to right; whereas a regular single crochet stitch is worked from right to left. Insert your hook into the stitch or space indicated, then yarn over and pull up a loop. (You should have two loops on your hook.) Yarn over and draw through both of the loops on your hook. This stitch takes a bit of practice but the outcome is well worth the effort.

Take a look at these sites for helpful illustrations:
http://crochet.about.com/library/weekly/aa112997.htm
http://www.crochetcabana.com/stitches/ltc-stitches-reverse_sc.htm

You can find many stitch abbreviations and instructions on our Crochet Basics Page:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/123basics.htm

 


 

Kind words can be short and easy to speak,
but their echoes are truly endless.
                                   Mother Teresa


CONTEST/GIVEAWAY INFORMATION

The information provided below is strictly for your enjoyment.


 

Enter the new contest at Creative Enterprises !

Click Here for Your Chance to Win!

 

 

 


CLASSIFIED SECTION


Got something you'd like to sell ?
Looking for a particular item to buy ?

Put your ad here to be seen by approximately 5,500 crafters...


Click here to place an advertisement in our Classified Section.


~ ~ ~ YOUR AD COULD GO HERE! ~ ~ ~


 


See more styles at
http://www.cafepress.com/crochetnmore

cont


 

Threads N Stitches

cont.


You can buy our 51 page book
through Cafe Press.

Click Here to order your copy today!
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1

 

cont

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

cont.


Get your copy of the Gas Mileage Guide today!
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/

There's also a free Version available.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/freepreview.htm

Also make sure to check out almost daily tips for saving money
and having fun without breaking the bank.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/gas-savings-blog/

cont.


This book is a wonderful addition to any crochet library.
I've had numerous requests over the years of what to crochet for boys.
Crobots are definitely the answer!
This 96-page book is filled with numerous types of Crobot patterns as well as well-illustrated instructions for the
crochet stitches, assembly stitches and other embellishments used in the patterns.
The patterns are well written, some of the book is written in a small font but the pictures are wonderful.

NOTE: This book comes to you with a safety warning regarding the small parts used in the patterns.
Therefore, please use your own discretion as to the age of the child you intend the gift for.

 

 

 


I have to tell you about this new book.
SweaterBabe.com's Fabulous & Flirty Crochet
I'm so happy to have it in my crochet library.

Katherine Lee has an eye for style and a definite knack for creating beautiful crochet patterns.
I was really happy with the large colorful project photos.
There's something for everyone!
The aspect of Fabulous and Flirty Crochet that stood out to me was the section on the yarns
used in the patterns. One page shows "actual size" photos of the yarns which makes it super
easy to substitute other yarns if you want to. For those who stay strictly to the recommended
yarn in a pattern Katherine has included a yarn resource list. The projects are very fashionable
and perfect for gift giving... though I'm sure you'll have to make something for yourself :o)
I can't wait to try the Flirty Skirt and the Ruffled Strap Tank.

Get your copy of Fabulous & Flirty Crochet today!


 

=====================================================

Country Village Mall


If your home business isn't growing as fast as you'd like, maybe you need to move to a new neighborhood!
Come be a part of our home and small business community at Creative Enterprises!
We bring new meaning to "networking" and resource sharing!
Sign up for your membership today at

7http://www.creativethought.com

cont.



HUMOR



 

While carpenters were working outside the old house I had
just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just
finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use
the bathroom.
        With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly
scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution.
"I'll put down newspapers."
        "It's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already trained."


A policeman stops a speeding car and tells the woman driver:
"When I saw you driving down the road, I thought to myself, "sixty-
five at least."
      The woman replied: I don't think that is quite fair. I think this
hat makes me look older.


During a practical exercise at a military police

base, the instructor was giving the class

instruction in unarmed self- defense.

After he presented a number of different

situations in which they might find themselves,

he asked a student, "What steps would you

take if someone were coming at you with a

large, sharp knife?"

The student replied, "BIG ones."

 


  Preparing for a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her
husband explained to their young children that they would be sitting
in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be
arriving at their destination until after dark and they were warned
not to keep saying, "Are we there yet?"
      After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old
daughter perked up, "Is it dark yet?"


A doctor examining a woman, who had
been rushed to the Emergency Room,
took the husband aside, and said...

'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
 
'Me, neither, doc,' said the husband...
'But she's a great cook,
and she's really good with the kids.


Questions to God from kids

Dear GOD, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was
it an accident? -Norma

Dear GOD, Instead of letting people die and having to make new
ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now? -Jane

Dear GOD, Who draws the lines around the countries? -Nan

Dear GOD, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in
church. Is that okay? -Neil

Dear GOD, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought
You had everything. -Jane

Dear God, Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto
you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother!
-Darla

Dear GOD, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for
was a puppy. -Joyce

Dear GOD, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything
before, You can look it up. -Bruce

Dear GOD, My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha
ha. -Danny

Dear GOD, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much
if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry

Dear GOD, I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but
not with so much hair all over. -Sam

Dear GOD, I think the stapler is one of your goodest
inventions. -Ruth M.

Dear GOD, I bet it is very hard for You to love all of
everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our
family and I can never do it. -Nan

Dear GOD, If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my
new shoes. -Mickey D.

Dear GOD, I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the
Bible. Love, Chris

Dear GOD, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they
said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea. Sincerely,
Donna


Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination
to become the next Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless
followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department.

"Please, Dad," whined the boy, "I promise I'll use them
every day."

"I don't know, Michael. It's really a big commitment on
your part," the father pointed out.

"Please, Dad?"

"They're not cheap either."

"I'll use them Dad, I promise. You'll see."

Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and
headed for the door.

From the corner of the store he heard his son yell,
"What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?!"


The homeowner got into his old work clothes one Saturday
morning and set about all the chores his wife had been
urging him to do all week. He cleaned the garage, pruned the
hedge, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman
pulled up in the driveway and called out her window, "Say,
what do you get for yard work?"

The fellow thought for a moment and then answered, "The lady
who lives here lets me live with her."


I stood in the ice cream parlor watching in amazement
as the girl behind the counter piled one mammoth scoop
of ice cream after another onto my cone. It was so huge,
I began to question whether she'd heard my order.

"Excuse me," I said. "Is that a small?"

As she poured on the toppings, she replied, "Not yet!"


Going over our weekly training schedule one morning at our small Army
garrison, we noticed that our annual trip to the rifle range had been
canceled for the second time, but that our semi-annual physical-fitness
test was still on as planned.

"Does it bother anyone else," one soldier asked, "that the Army doesn't
seem concerned with how well we can shoot, yet is extremely interested
in how fast we can run?"


My friend and I joined a weight-loss organization. At one meeting the
instructor held up an apple and a candy bar.

"What are the attributes of this apple," she asked, "and how do they
relate to our diet?"

"Low in calories" and "lots of fiber," were among the answers.

She then detailed what was wrong with eating candy, and concluded,
"Apples are not only more healthful but also less expensive. Do you
know I paid fifty-five cents for this candy bar?" We stared as she held
aloft the forbidden treat.

From in back of the room a small voice spoke up.
"I'll give you seventy-five cents for it."


A sales clerk asked his boss how to handle people who
complained about the current prices compared to the low
prices in the good old days.

"Just act surprised and tell them you didn't think that
they were old enough to remember them."

 


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