If
the Crochet N More website and/or Crochet N More Newsletter
have been helpful to you and you would like to make a donation Click Here |
THIS ISSUE IS SPONSORED BY:
Not
only will this calendar help you keep track of your business or social life,
it also provides you with 12 great afghan patterns!
Each of the 12 afghan designs will keep you crocheting throughout the year.
A wide range of designs ensure you are able
to find an afghan that you will enjoy!
Pick
up your 2010 Afghan Calendar today from AnniesAttic.com!
cont.
Shopping
for a plus size dress?
Sydney’s Closet offers you the largest selection of
trendy plus size dresses in
sizes 14 to 44 in stock and ready to ship.
Discover styles that fit and flatter every figure!
cont.
Dear Subscriber:
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
|
Be sure
to keep an eye on our Index page... the update section contains our
Twitter posts which can range from cool free patterns to words of wisdom.
Here's an article I thought
might interest you:
High Tech Teens
Turn to Low Tech Knitting and Crochet
G.
P. S.
There’s a “GPS” device to help you keep track of your children.
G stands for Geography... know where your kids are going.
P stands for People... know who they will be spending time with.
S stands for Specifics... know what they will be doing
and exactly when they’re expected to be home.
Know your child’s G.P.S. at all times.
Here's an
extensive pattern directory that will keep you busy for hours :0)
http://www.myhq.com/public/c/r/crochetpoet/
This link was sent
to me by my online friend, Lois Karklus!
Lisa
and Tim
PEN PAL?
If you would like
to be added to the Crochet 'N' More Pen Pal list please send an email
including the following:
Name, Email Address and Interests.
(For interests, please send General Information Only such as what
types of things you enjoy crocheting, your favorite threads and/or yarns, etc.
Please, no personal information such as age, marital status, snail mail address,
etc., and limit your entry to 25-35 words.)
Post your crochet question on The Crochet 'N' More Message Board and you might see it here!
QUESTION:
RE: looking for steelers crochet pattern
I am looking for an crochet
pattern for the steelers football. thanks
Sue Stacks
ANSWER:
You'll find a free download
one on this link:
http://www.donnascrochetshoppe.com/patterns_football.html
Char55
QUESTION:
RE: baby headband
I would like to crochet
baby headbands but having touble finding good directions. i'm not the best crocheter
so the easier the better. do you have a "recipe" for such a thing?
Diane
ANSWER:
Easy free pattern with pictures
on this link:
http://hooked-on-crochet.blogspot.com/2009/08/free-pattern-easiest-ever-baby-headband.html
Char55
QUESTION:
I need OWL HAT patterns!
I'm looking for an owl hat
pattern or a pattern for an owl that I can sew on to a hat or sweater.
Toy Toy
ANSWER:
Try the pattern on this
page:
http://dizastersheartshapedbox.blogspot.com/2009/09/owl-applique-free-crochet-pattern.html
Lisa
The only time we should look back to yesterday is to look at the positive things that were accomplished to encourage us to do better things today and tomorrow. - Stevie Wonder
Establish my footsteps in Thy word; And do not let any iniquity have dominion over me.
Psalm 119:133
It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful, yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.
Hebrews 12:7-13
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:31-32
CHILDREN, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH. And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:1-4
"THE
RICHEST LEGACY A PARENT
CAN LEAVE A CHILD IS A GODLY EXAMPLE."
This quote is from Our Daily Bread - September, 2009 Issue
"For where two or three have gathered together in My name, there I am in their midst." Matthew 18:20
Please click here and pray for those on our Prayer List
Fill in the blank:
But
He answered and said, "It is written, Man shall not live on _______
alone,
but on every _____ that proceeds out of the mouth of God."
Click
Here to Purchase
"The Complete Book of Bible Trivia"
Click here for more Bible Trivia
Only major page changes will be listed here.
FREE
PATTERNS
The following patterns
will be added to our Free Patterns soon.
The following link(s) have been added to our links pages.
(SUBSCRIBERS SEE THESE FIRST)
However, these patterns will be added to the Crochet 'N' More website after
the next issue is sent out.
|
|
Click here to see our growing collection of FREE PATTERNS | |
|
(A
different crochet stitch and/or tip featured in each issue...
to be added later to the Crochet Basics page)
ROW BELOW
What does it mean to work into the "row below"?
The last row you just finished
crocheting is referred to as the "previous row".
The row before that is considered the "row below".
Some crochet patterns ask you to place stitches into the "row below".
Some may say to work a stitch "two rows below", "three rows below",
etc.
All this means is you work into a row other than the row you just completed.
An example of this method
is the Spike Stitch.
It is called the Spike Stitch because it "spikes" down into the crochet
fabric and it partially covers a previous stitch. The Spike Stitch square features
this stitch:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/spikestitchsquare.htm
-----
ILLUSTRATED BASIC CROCHET INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE BEGINNER:
SINGLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)
HALF DOUBLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)
DOUBLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)
TRIPLE CROCHET (click here for instructions)
"On-line encyclopedia
of knitting and crochet facts"
http://www.lionbrand.com/faq/learnToCrochet.pdf
When you purchase
yarn for a project it is best to check the dye lot number.
Many yarns are "no dye lot" yarns. You may not notice a color difference
during your purchase but could later see variances in the color of these yarns
once your project has begun.
Be sure to purchase
all of the skeins needed of each color from the same dye lot so you don't have
a problem with your colors varying. The only time the dye lot doesn't matter
is if one yarn color is separated by another color such as a striped pattern.
Scrap Yarn Ideas ...
71. I start afagans with my scrap yarn ... after I get 10 rows .. I take it to a friend and she adds 10 rows ... she takes it to a friend and they add 10 rows ... the type of yarn changes and types of stiches change also the only rule is the first one to start it has to add a small note with how many stiches were used to start the afagan so it stays the same acrost. This will keep going around untill it is a good size and then comes back to the person that starts it and they take it to the shelter or to someone that needs a warm hug. Very good way to get one done fast. Use up yarn and have fun ..... but most of all help out someone elce Lesa
do you have number 72?
The following page is compilation
of uses for scrap yarns:
SCRAP YARN IDEAS
If you have a use that's not listed email me!
NOTE: Any comments left on the CNM website or sent via email may be posted here.
Leave your message in our guestbook... and it may appear in an issue of the CNM Newsletter !
Comments: This is a great
site. I just enjoy looking around sometimes.
cornelia barnett
Thank you for submitting this pattern to crochetnmore. I made it up but the loop for the towel is on the outside instead of the inside of the dome. First you say don’t fasten off after doing the handle. Then begin to work in rounds. Ch1, sc in bl of each sc. My dictionary of crochet terms defined bl as block (solid mesh). Which didn’t make sense to me. I figured this was a typo so went with bk and worked in the back of each sc. Working up the other side would then mean to do a sc in the unworked loop of each sc. When you finish the towel loop I don’t understand where the second row should start. I’ve ripped out my work to this point and will work thru the instructions again to try to figure out the placement of the loop end so it remains on the inside. Please let me know if this should be bk instead of bl. I’ll e-mail you later today if I have figured out my error in the placement. Any further insight would be greatly appreciated. Jeanne Purdy
<< Lisa's Reply >>
>>>My
dictionary of crochet terms defined bl as block (solid mesh).
The term block is only used in filet crochet patterns.
In this instance bl is back loop.
The following is the pattern instruction in bold followed by an unabbreviated version to help explain the first rows of the pattern.
>>R1:
Ch1, sc in bl of each sc. Ch3.
>>Working up the other side, sc in unworked loop of ea sc. Ch3, join with a
sl st in the first sc.
For the
towel topper, on R1 you made one chain, then worked one single crochet
in the back loop of each single on that row. Then you chained 3 (this is the
first "end chain space").
Then you worked back up the other side, making one single crochet in each unworked
loop of
each single crochet and then you chained 3 (this is the other "end chain spaces")
then you joined with a slip stitch in the first single crochet.
>>(Towel Loop) Ch1, turn. Sc in ch3 sp. (ch1, turn, sc in sc just made) 10 times.
Chain 1,
turn.
Work a single crochet in the chain 3 space (into the hole below the 3 chains)
Chain 1,
turn. Single crochet in the single crochet you just made (that's one time)
Chain 1, turn. Single crochet in the single crochet you just made (that's two
times)
Chain 1, turn. Single crochet in the single crochet you just made (that's three
times)
Chain 1, turn. Single crochet in the single crochet you just made (that's four
times)
Chain 1, turn. Single crochet in the single crochet you just made (that's five
times)
Chain 1, turn. Single crochet in the single crochet you just made (that's six
times)
Chain 1, turn. Single crochet in the single crochet you just made (that's seven
times)
Chain 1, turn. Single crochet in the single crochet you just made (that's eight
times)
Chain 1, turn. Single crochet in the single crochet you just made (that's nine
times)
Chain 1, turn. Single crochet in the single crochet you just made (that's ten
times)
>>Join
to Ch3 on the opposite side by working a sc through the
>>ch3 sp and the last sc made (be careful not to twist).
>>This forms the loop to hang the towel through.
Join to the chain 3 on the opposite side by working a single crochet in the chain 3 space and the last single crochet made. Be careful not to twist... this forms the loop the towel will hang through.
R2: 2dc in ea sc along both sides of R1, skipping the end chain spaces. Join with a sl st. (28dc)
R2 is worked
into the stitches of R1... 7 stitches on each side will have two double crochets
each in them...
you skip the chain 3 spaces on each end. Then join with a sl st and you should
have 28 doubles.
R3: Ch3, do not turn. 2dc in ea dc. Join with a sl st.
For R3,
do not turn. Now work two double crochet stitches in each double crochet stitch
on R2. Join with a slip stitch.
--------------------
NOTE: You do not work into any of the stitches on the loop... only on the main
part of the topper... imagine the loop isn't there and work around the entire
edge of the previous round.
<< Jeanne's Reply >>
Thank you for your reply. I went back to the website and found an abbreviation section. I have reworked using back loops and made sure the loop stayed inside. The result is beautiful. Thanks for posting this pattern. I will make these for Christmas presents. Jeanne Purdy
Subject: Spiderweb Table Topper
Mrs. Hamblin,
I know that you probably receive numerous e-mails a day, and might not even
be able to respond back to me, but if you did, I would be very thankful. I'm
attempting to create the Spiderweb Table Topper, as per your pattern, but I'm
having some trouble with the "tr in next tr" and I don't quite understand how
to treble crochet in the next treble, since I don't have the next treble? It's
probably such a silly question to someone as experienced as yourself, and I
hope you will take a few moments out of your day to help me in completing this
project that I think is ever so brilliant. I've searched online, and have found
nothing of a how-to of the tr in the next tr, which is why I've come to you,
even though you're probably very, very busy. Please do know that I've been trying
to complete this for many hours now, to no avail since I cannot get past the
first step. Thank you so much and may God bless you and your family, Nicole
<< reply >>
There are treble crochet
stitches on every row in this pattern.
Here's how to begin:
For Round one you chain
7, then work one treble crochet in the seventh chain from the hook.
Chain 3 and work another treble crochet in the same stitch
Chain 3 and work another treble crochet in the same stitch
Chain 3 and work another treble crochet in the same stitch
Chain 3 and work another treble crochet in the same stitch
Chain 3 and work another treble crochet in the same stitch
Chain 3 and work another treble crochet in the same stitch (that's six times)
Chain 3 and join with a slip stitch in the third chain of the beginning chain
seven.
For Round two you Chain
10
Work one treble crochet in the next treble crochet on round one
Chain 6
(Work one treble crochet in the next treble crochet on round one, Chain 6)
Repeat the instructions within the parentheses around the entire round.
Join with a slip stitch in the fourth chain of the beginning chain 10.
Please help me on : what is ? Sl st in first ch-1 sp …… been searching in the web but none understood what is ch-1? Appreciate your help Thanks and regards, Lisa Adinan
<< reply >>
That means you work one
slip stitch in the first chain one space.
Just put the slip stitch into the hole beneath the next chain you made on the
previous row/round.
I WAS LOOKING TODAY AT YOUR JINGLE BELLS CROCHET WREATH - WHERE DO YOU BUY A 2 INCH CRAFT RING. THANKS - chuntington54
<< reply >>
I bought mine in the craft
section at Wal-Mart.
I've also seen them at Michaels and I'm sure Hobby Lobby
and other craft stores would have them.
You can also purchase rings
online:
http://factorydirectcraft.com/catalog/products/18533-2_gold_tone_metal_craft_ring_or_hoop.html
RE: Scarf/Afghan
What does tr mean?
<< reply >>
Treble Crochet... you can find instructions on the Crochet Basics page: http://www.crochetnmore.com/123basics.htm
RE: crystal ball for xmas tree pattern
I am working on the above pattern. I have gotten to row 8. working behind petals of rd 7,sc in ch 8 loop of rd 6 bet first tr and dtr........ could you explain how to do this? I just found this web site and I love it. I am laid up for a while and figured I would get back into crocheting and seeing as x-mas is just round the corner, I figured this would be a good area to work on. I love the site! Thank you Lisa Russell
<< reply >>
>>>working behind petals of rd 7,sc in ch 8 loop of rd 6 bet first tr and dtr........
This means you access the
indicated stitch by taking your hook behind the petals of round 7.
So you make a single crochet in the chain 8 loop on round 6, which is between
the
first treble and double treble stitches on that round.
Comments: I enjoyed your
site very much... Easy to get around. Liked the Free Patterns.
Krystal Wolfinger
Subject: BabyBottleCover
I am making this for a baby shower gift, but I have a question about the pattern. Rounds 2 and 3 say to join with slip stitch at the top of beginning chain 2. I don't see anywhere in the pattern that says to chain 2. Is that missing?
<< reply >>
I seem to have this problem
with many of my "first designs".
I have updated this pattern from memory.
http://www.crochetnmore.com/babybottlecover.htm
Please let me know how it works for you now.
Re: Ashley's Baby Afghan Crochet Pattern
Where does the color Orchid
come in? It's mentioned in the materials?
Pila
<< reply >>
Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I used another pattern as a template and failed to change that information. The pattern has since been corrected. Thanks again!
Subject: Emma's_Baby_Booties
Love your bootie pattern. I’m having trouble understanding 1 thing. When it’s finished, should the heel and toe be connected??? Mine are not. But I simply weave them together after the bootie is finished. Am I doing something wrong?? Thanks, Debbie
<< reply >>
Thanks Debbie: No... the
toe isn't exactly attached.
That's just one of my little quirky designs :o)
When the ribbons are added the booties are finished.
Subject: Emma's_Baby_Booties
Hi, I am a new begginer
crocheter, and I am trying to make the Emma's Baby booties for my grandchild.
I am having problems on the heel part. not sure where to reattach and don't
know what bl's stand for.
Please write back with explaination. Thanks for your anticipated help. God Bless
You!!!!!! Shawna
<< reply >>
Bl stands for back loop.
You can find this abbreviation along with many others and their explanations
on our Crochet Basics page:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/123basics.htm
To begin the heel, you reattach
the yarn 7 stitches back from the original fasten off point.
Then you work in the back loops only... making single crochet stitches around
to the same
point on the opposite side of the bootie. You should have 19 singles when finished
with Row 1.
Re: wavy shell stitch
Good morning Lisa………..I am looking for a wavy shell instruction pattern for lapghans that I make for nursing homes. Do you have one that I might be able to use? Thanks, Joanne Twomey
<< reply >>
I found a reference to a
beautiful shell afghan here:
http://cthulhucrochet.blogspot.com/2008/12/as-promised-ive-branched-out-from-my.html
but the pattern was in a purchased book (info on that page).
I also found two "wavy"
blanket patterns:
http://stephig.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/wavy_blanky.pdf
http://crochetme.com/patterns/wavy-blanket
A wavy doubles pattern (one
of my favorites):
http://web.archive.org/web/20010219173347/www.shopsparkles.com/Crochet/wavydbles.html
There's a cool reversible
shell baby afghan pattern here (click the link):
http://pipersgirls.wordpress.com/2009/05/22/free-pattern-reversible-shell-baby-blanket/
Also, here's a video tutorial
on the Wavy Shell Pattern:
http://www.wonderhowto.com/how-to/video/how-to-crochet-the-start-of-a-wavy-shell-pattern-blanket-233048/
Re: Sawyer's_Sweater
HI, THE SWEATER IS JUST ADORABLE! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE ONE FOR MY 8LB CHI, POGO. BUT IM AT A LOSE AS TO ONE OF THE ABREVIATIONS, WHAT IS SC PS, I CANT FOR THE WORLD THINK OF WHAT IT IS, OR IF I HAVE DONE THIS BEFORE.] THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING THIS PATTERN DONNA
<< reply >>
SC PS is a SINGLE CROCHET PUFF STITCH
Yo, pull up loop 4 times,
9 loops on hook,
yo, pull thru 8 loops,
yo, pull thru 2 loops,
push puff to front of work,
work next st in your pattern.
Subject: ReadAPattern
PPPPPPPPPPPPPlease I need
your help I just cant get it in my head ,
I can read and understand most of my pattern but one part I just DON’T GET,
it reads like this I have already finished the first row,
and that went well, so I will send you the next row of info, hope you can help
me.
#2 ch 3 ( counts as first dc, now and through out ) turn: skip next dc, dc in next 7 dc, ( dc,ch 2, dc) I GOT ALL OF THAT AND IT ALL WENT WELL, this is the part I don’t understand ( in next ch-2sp, Thank you so much Jill
<< reply >>
That means is that you work the indicated stitch(es) into the hole beneath the next two chains you made on the previous row.
Subject: Read Pattern
Maybe you can help me with this pattern. PATTERN SAYS: ch3, PST in joining,
ch1, [PST in next dc, ch1] 14 times, (PST,dc) all in last dc; Turn – 16 PST
I cannot figure out what the PST abbreviation stands for. Thanks for he help,
Hilda Mitchell
<< reply >>
I found this pattern
http://www.coatsandclark.com/Crafts/Crochet/Projects/AfghansThrows/WR1028+Crochet+Sunflower+Afghan.htm
which includes a "PST" and it's a puff stitch:
(Puff Stitch)
[Yo and draw up a lp] 3 times all in the same
st, yo and draw through all 7 lps on hook.
--------------
This pattern includes the PST also:
http://www.coatsandclark.com/NR/exeres/E4E7A204-6C62-4693-822C-B7615AF2A47A,frameless.htm
but the instructions are:
[yo and draw up a lp] 4 times all in same dc, yo and draw through 8 lps, yo
and draw through 2 lps remaining on hook
Keeping in mind that many
stitches have different variations...
One puff stitch might not be exactly like another as far as how many times you
need to yarn over, etc., and that most patterns have specialty stitch instructions
at the beginning or included in the actual text of the pattern, it would be
best to try to contact the designer of that particular pattern.
Subject: Sasha's_Shoe_Strings
Hi, how do you make the ends stiff to put through holes?
<< reply >>
You can either...
wrap the same thread around the end tightly to shape the ends and secure it
by adding a little glue;
wrap the ends with tape
or
use a crochet hook to pull the strings through when lacing the shoes.
I really enjoy this email! Keep it up! Could you please help me find a pattern to crochet a cushion cover with regular 'afghan' yarn. The cushion is round, as (a stuffed nickel.) with the outside circumference about 15 inches. We are looking for a ripple pattern to work with. Thanks, Sadie
<< reply >>
I'm glad you enjoy it Sadie!
Maybe you could adapt the
round ripple baby afghan pattern to fit your cushion:
http://project-angel-kisses.150m.com/roundripple.html
Subject: OvalThreadDoily
HI~love the doily pattern but there are odd numbers of the little ovals around the edges. I counted 15. It makes it look a little off. Thanks
<< reply >>
Yes... it does. That was
one of my first designs.
I wasn't very good at evenly distributing a design throughout a pattern yet.
Kind
words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
Mother Teresa
Enter the new contest at Creative Enterprises !
Got something you'd like to sell ?
Looking for a particular item to buy ?
Put your ad here to be seen by approximately 5,500 crafters...
Click here to place an advertisement in our Classified Section.
~ ~ ~ YOUR AD COULD GO HERE! ~ ~ ~
cont.
New t-shirt design
" I Love www.Crochetnmore.com "
Buy yours today!
http://www.cafepress.com/crochetnmore.386564863#
cont
cont
cont.
Get your copy of the Gas Mileage Guide today!
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/
There's also a free Version available.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/freepreview.htm
Also make sure to check out almost daily tips for saving money
and having fun without breaking the bank.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/gas-savings-blog/
cont.
This book is a wonderful
addition to any crochet library.
I've had numerous requests over the years of what to crochet for boys.
Crobots are definitely the answer!
This 96-page book is filled with numerous types of Crobot patterns as well as
well-illustrated instructions for the crochet stitches, assembly stitches and
other embellishments used in the patterns. The patterns are well written, some
of the book is written in a small font but the pictures are wonderful.
NOTE: This book comes to you with a safety warning regarding the small parts used in the patterns. Therefore, please use your own discretion as to the age of the child you intend the gift for.
Get your copy of Diane England's
"Cute Crochet for Kids" :
|
I have to tell you about this new book.
SweaterBabe.com's Fabulous & Flirty Crochet
I'm so happy to have it in my crochet library.
Katherine Lee has an eye for style and a definite knack for creating beautiful
crochet patterns.
I was really happy with the large colorful project photos.
There's something for everyone!
The aspect of Fabulous and Flirty Crochet that stood out to me was the section
on the yarns used in the patterns.
One page shows "actual size" photos of the yarns which makes it super
easy to substitute other yarns if you want to.
For those who stay strictly to the recommended yarn in a pattern Katherine has
included a yarn resource list.
The projects are very fashionable and perfect for gift giving... though I'm
sure you'll have to make something for yourself :o)
I can't wait to try the Flirty Skirt and the Ruffled Strap Tank.
Get your copy of Fabulous & Flirty Crochet today!
If your home business isn't growing as
fast as you'd like, maybe you need to move to a new neighborhood! Come be a
part of our home and small business community at Creative Enterprises!
We bring new meaning to "networking" and resource sharing!
Sign up for your membership today at
7http://www.creativethought.com
cont.
|
Little Johnny's mother was having difficulty gulping down the birthday cake he had made for her as a surprise. When she was finished, Little Johnny happily exclaimed, "I'm so glad you like it, Mommy. There should have been 32 candles on the cake, but they were all gone when I took it out of the oven."
After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn't start because it was out of gas.
- A passer-by told me there was a service station a half-mile away, so I took a gas can from the trunk and trudged the distance in the sweltering sun.
- The attendant filled my two-gallon can, and I lugged it back and poured the gas into the tank. But when I tried to unlock the car door, it wouldn't open. Just then, I noticed an identical old car parked a short distance away. That was my car; I had filled a stranger's gas tank.
- Wearily I walked back to the station. "You know," the atten- dant suggested helpfully, "instead of walking back and forth to fill the tank from the can, you could put a couple of gallons in the tank and then drive the car here."
A man attempting to set up his new printer, had problems, and called the printer's tech support number. He complained about getting the error message: "Can't find the printer."
On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it!
A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well founded. "He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture."
A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store to help him buy groceries. In addition to the healthy items on his wife's carefully prepared list, the two of them returned home with a package of sugar-filled cookies.
"Why in the world did you buy those?" his wife asked. "You know they aren't good for you!"
"Oh, but don't worry, honey, these cookies have one-third less calories than usual in them," the husband replied.
The wife looked all over the package but couldn't find any claim to that fact, so she asked, "What makes you think that?"
"We ate about a third of the box on the way home."
During a phone conversation, my nephew mentioned that he was taking a psychology course at the university. "Oh, great," I said. "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family."
"No, no," he replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester."
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large order. As the harried looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor.
"They just don't make these
bags like they used to," the clerk blurted to the customer.
"That was supposed to happen in your driveway!"
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take. He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you 20 dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
The owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
Custom at Duquesne University
dictated that if a professor was ten minutes late, class was canceled.
One professor arrived early for a 9 a.m. lecture. He placed his hat on his desk,
and went to the faculty room. Before he knew it, it was 9:10. By the time he
got back to his classroom, it was empty.
The next day, he let his students have it. "When my hat is here," he fumed, "I'm here!"
The following day, the professor
arrived at 9 a.m.
He was met by the sight of 28 hats on 28 desks -- and no students.
Sayings from yesteryear
Let’s go to a double feature.
Can you loan me a dime for a phone call?
Would you mind getting up and go change the TV channel?
Can you loan me a quarter for a pack of cigarettes?
Hey it’s ‘dollar night’ at the drive-in.
"Don’t forget to put money in the parking meter.
Here’s five dollars. Fill ‘er up!”
Gimmee! Gimmee! My Mom would answer "Gimmee died."
Some Boy Scouts from the big city were on a camping trip for the first time. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightening bugs and said to his friend, "We might as well give up. Now they're coming after us with flashlights!"
CLICK
HERE TO GO TO THE
CROCHET 'N' MORE HOME PAGE