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Crochet N More
Newsletter

Volume XV, Issue No. 12
June 30, 2012

Serving approximately 6,500 crafters...

 

(This newsletter distributed FREE via e-mail only on the 15th and 30th of each month)

Thank you for requesting the Crochet 'N' More Newsletter.
We hope to provide you with exciting information on the latest web developments pertaining to the Crochet 'N' More website as well as two of my original patterns in each issue.

If the Crochet N More website and/or
Crochet N More Newsletter
have been helpful to you and you
would like to make a donation

Click Here

THIS ISSUE IS SPONSORED BY:

Clever Apple

Training tutors since 1997. 
If you're searching for tutoring jobs,
information on how to start a tutoring business, 
or resources that will help parents or educators,
we're sure you'll find what you're looking for with Clever Apple.

 

cont

divider

 


See more styles at
http://www.cafepress.com/crochetnmore

co

cont

God Bless You!

FEATURES IN THIS ISSUE:

GENERAL NEWS
QUESTIONS FROM THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
BIBLE TRIVIA
PAGES UPDATED
NEW LINKS
MEMBER PATTERNS
CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE
CROCHET TIP
VIEWER FEEDBACK
CONTEST/GIVE-AWAY INFORMATION
CLASSIFIED SECTION
HUMOR


GENERAL NEWS


 

Dear Subscriber:

I apologize for not being available very much in the past couple of weeks.
As many of you know, I lost my only sister on June 15th due to injuries she
suffered during a motorcycle accident.

Pam

I appreciate all of the prayers and condolences I've received during this time.

Thank you,
Lisa

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
New Crocheters
Click Here:
Learn to Crochet: A Beginner's Guide

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 


Take a look at our YouTube Channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/crochetnmore

Visit our Blog:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/crochetblog/

Visit our Facebook Fan Page:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Crochetnmore/277255108133

Sign our Guestbook: 
http://www.amazon.com/Lisa-Hamblin/e/B00BQJYJVK/?_encoding=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=ur2&tag=crochetnmore


Follow Crochetnmore on Twitter

Lisa and Tim

The Breast Cancer Site

QUESTIONS FROM
THE CNM MESSAGE BOARD


Post your crochet question on
The Crochet 'N' More Message Board

and you might see it here!

QUESTION:

RE: Reversible Afghan Pattern

Hello. I am wondering if there are any reversible afghan patterns available.
I saw one once and really liked it.
Patti Bukowski,
Thank you.

 

ANSWER:


There are several I found on this link:
http://crochetbykathy.com/Reversible1.html

Hope this helps.
Char55

---


Though unable to locate the pattern for free online I did find this one for sale for
Red Heart's Reversible Afghan (LW1246):
http://sewuniquetreasuresandgifts.ecrater.com/p/7047701/1-cent-usa-sh-crochet-afghan

You can find a free pattern for Reversible Squares Afghan (CD494)
downloadable via this page:
http://www.redheart.com/free-patterns/reversible-squares-afghan

Lisa Hamblin CNM/MBA

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT


 

"Do not wish to be anything
but what you are,
and try to be that perfectly."
~~ St. Francis de Sales ~~

 

 

"No one can come to Me, unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up on the last day. It is written in the prophets, 'AND THEY SHALL ALL BE TAUGHT OF GOD.' Everyone who has heard and learned from the Father, comes to Me. Not that any man has seen the Father, except the One who is from God; He has seen the Father. Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes has eternal life. I am the bread of life. Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. This is the bread which comes down out of heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread that came down out of heaven; if anyone eats of this bread, he shall live forever; and the bread also which I shall give for the life of the world is My flesh."

John 6:44-51

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

1 John 4:7-11

Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God; and whoever loves the Father loves the child born of Him. By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and observe His commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome.

1 John 5:1-3

Bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2

 

 

"LOVE IS THE MAGNET THAT DRAWS BELIEVERS
TOGETHER AND ATTRACTS UNBELIEVERS TO CHRIST ."

This quote is from Our Daily Bread - June, 2012 Issue


Check out the E-votions blog:

http://www.e-votions.com/


Be careful the environment you choose, for it will
shape you; be careful the friends you choose, for
you will become like them.  - W. Clement Stone


"For where two or three have gathered
together in My name, there I am in their midst."
Matthew 18:20


Please click here and pray for those on our Prayer List


BIBLE TRIVIA


Fill in the blanks:

Put on the full _______ of _____,
that you may be able to stand firm
against the schemes of the devil.


 

Click Here for the Answer

 

Click Here to Purchase
"The Complete Book of Bible Trivia"

Click here for more Bible Trivia


PAGES UPDATED

Only major page changes will be listed here.


FREE PATTERNS
The following patterns will be added to our Free Patterns soon.

Row Count Heart Afghan Square Free Crochet Pattern
ROW COUNT
HEART
AFGHAN SQUARE

 


Row Count Princess Crown Afghan Square Free Crochet Pattern
ROW COUNT
PRINCESS CROWN
AFGHAN SQUARE

 

 

 

 


NEW LINKS

The following link(s) have been added to our links pages.


 

None at this time.

 

 

 

 


MEMBER PATTERNS


(SUBSCRIBERS SEE THESE FIRST)
However, these patterns will be added to the Crochet 'N' More website after the next issue is sent out.

Check out all of our free crochet patterns.

Purchase your crochet supplies today!

Use the promotion code below
in your online shopping basket:

Clearance Sale



CROCHET STITCH or TECHNIQUE

(A different crochet stitch and/or tip featured in each issue...
to be added later to the Crochet Basics page)


DECREASING STITCHES
(varied abbreviations)

There are several variations of decrease stitches.

Decreasing can be done by one of two methods...

1) skipping stitches
2) do two or more stitches within one step of completion then draw through all loops on hook:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"On-line encyclopedia of knitting and crochet facts"
http://www.lionbrand.com/faq/learnToCrochet.pdf

 

 

All Free Crochet

Take a look:
http://www.allfreecrochet.com/Crochet-Designer/Lisa-Hamblin-Crochet-Designer


CROCHET TIP


If you have difficulty keeping the edges of your project even try placing a stitch marker in the top of the turning chain so you will know where to place the last stitch of the next row.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scrap Yarn Ideas ... do you have number 90?

 

The following page is compilation of uses for scrap yarns:
SCRAP YARN IDEAS

If you have a use that's not listed email me!


VIEWER FEEDBACK

NOTE: Any comments left on the CNM website or sent via email may be posted here.

Leave your message in our guestbook... and it may appear in an issue of the CNM Newsletter!


Subject: flower applique hat

Hello:
My name is Ann Miller and I have a question concerning this pattern.
It looks like what I can make without a lot of fuss, as I am making up
all of my yarn into Chemo caps before I lose my sight to the place that
it will not be possible.

My question concerns the dimensions of this cap. I really don't want
to make it and then find out it will fit a bouffant hair style when I am
making it for people with no hair.

Any assistance in this matter will be appreciated.

Thanks,
Ann Miller

<< reply >>

The hat in the photo fit me... my hair isn’t very thick at all.

Every crocheter’s tension is different so the only way to tell how large
the hat will be for you is to make one. This hat is worked from the top-down
so you can tell how large it is as you go... just try it on periodically and if you
need to you can adjust the stitch count by either omitting Round 4 or making
fewer stitches for that round.


Re: ABC crochet baby blanket in colored stripes question

Hi. I'm trying to do the ABC crochet baby blanket in colored stripes like you show on you tube.
I understand doing the divider bobble rows in alternate colors...but what about the last rows.....what would you do for that last bobble row?
I've added two rows below the first row in single crochet....( row one....row two...row three.....all in the first stripe color.)
When I get to the very top of the blanket.....what color should I do those last 3 rows??? The last bobble row and the last 2 single crochet row? Since there is no color or rows after that....I'm confused on how to end it?

Any help would be appreciated.

Thank You
Sarah Vermilya

<< reply >>

I made the entire first set of letters using pink... divided with pink/white
the next set is white, divided of white/green
next set is green, divided of green/white
next set is white, divided with white/yellow
next set is yellow, divided with yellow/white
last set is white, including the last white puff stitch row in white.
So... the beginning is all one color and the end is all one color... no alternating on those bobble rows.

Here’s a picture:

Baby's ABCs Afghan Crochet pattern

<< Sarah's Reply >>

Bless your heart for helping me.
It is a beautiful afghan.
I've started mine in white and going to use orchid, peach, yellow, light green and white.
Thank You
Sarah

 


Subject: Williams Baby Hat

Lisa,

I have been trying to make the little "Williams Baby Hat" but did not understand
the following stitch abbreviations de2tog dc3tog beg cr st.
I have looked in other books I have but could find no explanation.
I have never come across this stitch before in all of my crochet work.
I would sure appreciate you help so I can finish this cute hat.
Thank you much
Nancy

<< reply >>

You can find a list of stitch abbreviations and instructions on our Crochet Basics page:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/123basics.htm

Here’s a video showing how to work a Double Crochet Decrease over two stitches
(a/k/a dc2tog):


To make a dc3tog you work three double crochet stitches without completing the
very last step of each one and then you yarn over and draw through all the loops on the
hook.

The “beg cr st” is explained within the pattern and you can see a video of how to
make a “cr st” here:



Re: Newsletter Troubles

I know I am not overly computer savey, but I used to could find the free patterns fairly easily.
Lately though, I get the letter and when I go to look at newsletter, I can't find the new patterns.
What am I doing wrong?
Thanks.
Sue Morris
PS. Love your newsletter and the patterns you have.

<< reply >>

The free patterns are in the Member Patterns section of the newsletter.

Here's the current newsletter:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/053012.html

if you scroll down the page to the section title

"FEATURES IN THIS ISSUE:"

and click "MEMBER PATTERNS"
below that it will take you to the new patterns.

This link will take you there automatically:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/053012.html#Member

Enjoy!

 


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Crochet Tip:
A safety pin works fine when you need a stitch marker.
But beware... the yarn can get stuck in the coil.

Comments:

I always use bobby pins for stitch markers. They are easy to remove and only cost $1.00 for 100 :)
Kim Adkins

---

I get the small pins without the coil lately though a small piece of different color yarn than I'm crocheting with is what I've been using.
Nancy Grant

---

I use paperclips.
Judy Chrosniak Schmidt

---

I always use scrap yarn that is too short for anything else.
Rebekah Allen

 


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Crochet Tip:
The beginning yarn tail is on the bottom left when
the "right side" of your project is facing you.

Comment:

Unless your left handed. Then it is on the right.
Christie Luhn

 


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Crochet Tip:
Use a permanent marker to write the hook size on the end of the handle of plastic crochet hooks.

Comments:

I do that, but sometimes even permanent markers' marking come off (am I holding my hook too tightly -- grin)?
Peggy Drake

---

Try painting over the marker with clear polish.
Crochetnmore

 


RE: Message on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Crochet Video:
How to Crochet - How to Place a Marker

 

Comment:

Very good video. Like many other stitchers, you sometimes learn the hard way that marking that first stitch or even the last stitch of a row is important.
Linda Harless Belcher

 


Via the Crochetnmore YouTube Channel

Re:

How to Crochet - Join Granny Squares using Double Crochet Stitches

Comment:

Easiest tutorial to follow on you tube. Many thanks.
13Moondancer  

 


RE: Message on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Raggedy Ann & Andy
http://www.members.shaw.ca/b.e.webb/rgandann.html

Comments:

These are adorable!!!
Monica Porter
---
I made 36 inch Ann and Andys for my granddaughters when they were little...they loved them.
Gracie Knowles
---
another thing for my to-do list
Kathy Huff

 


RE: Message on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

http://www.crochetnmore.com/pocketpotholder.htm

Pocket Potholder Crochet Pattern

Comment:

How clever!
Clotilde Menendez

 


RE: Message on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Crochet Tip:
Space Saver bags (not flattened) make great clear yarn storage bins.

Comment:

So do the empty bags you get comforters/quilts in.
Jennifer Sue Prekopa

 


RE: Message on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Scrap Yarn Idea: Use scrap yarn to decorate greeting cards.

Comments:

i made a otter pop/ ice pop cover
Lori Corby-Brown

---
Great idea!
Crochetnmore

 


RE: Message on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Crochet Tip:
Keep your favorite crochet patterns in a folder so you can find them quickly.

Comments:

I use a 3 ring binder for all of my thin pattern books. I use the inside pockets for all of the small (one sheet) patterns. I have binders for cross stitch, woodworking, and crochet.
Carol Smith Goering

---

yes same as me too put in folders in bookselk easy to finder easy that way
Valerie McIntosh

---

I make a copy of the pattern that I am using then have a 3 ring binder with the clear plastic pages that I slide the copy into to bring along with me at work. Just wipe up if something gets spilled and saves your magazine from being damaged. I have a lot of very, very old patterns and am afraid of the magazine being ripped. Learned that one the hard way.
Robin Russell-Irwin


Guestbook Comment:

Ran accross your page love it that your a christian Praise the Lord, love the book mark going to try to make it.
Thankyou hugs.
Karen


Guestbook Comment:

Hi, I wanted to take a minute and thank you for your patterns. I think I may try the little doll beret. It will work perfectly for what I am doing. My nephew was born with something called Anencephaly. It is always fatal. He lived for an hour and a half. He was a beautiful baby. Babies born with Anencephaly are born without the upper part of their brain and skull. I had a friend make my nephew an hat and it was such a huge blessing. It is so hard to find a hat that fits. I just started crocheting about a month ago. I picked up on it really quickly and decided that I would make hats to donate to families like mine. I have been able so help out 2 families so far and I am hoping to help many more.
Kayla

 


Subject: Stitch_Question

Puff Stitch Baby Booties Crochet Pattern.

Hello,

Could you tell me, please, if there should be a single crochet at the start, and also at the end of the puff stitch row?

I am not getting a neat edge, and wondered if it is something I am doing wrong.

Thank you.

Kind regards

Liz
Scotland

<< reply >>

The pattern has a single crochet on one end of the row and a puff stitch on the other
end to keep you from having two single crochets side by side when you fold the bootie
and stitch it up it. The edge won’t be even but when you fold it and stitch the seams
the bootie should be fine.

 


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Crochet Tip:
Use old bed sheets to make beautiful rag rugs.
http://www.heartlandlivingonabudget.com/2011/08/new-use-for-old-sheets-making-rag-rug.html

Comments:

what a great idea ...... add to the list
Kathy Huff

---

I use the fabric scraps from my sewing projects to make rag rugs, but old sheets would work perfect too!
Linda Eisensmith Lewis

 


RE: Post on the Crochetnmore Fan Page

Crochet Tip:
The same size crochet hook from different manufacturers changes size of project. http://crochet.about.com/od/crochethooks/ss/How-Your-Choice-Of-Crochet-Hooks-Might-Influence-Your-Gauge.htm

Comments:

I perfer Susan Bates Hooks usually a H but do use a G on some projects
Bertie R Smith

---

I use Boye brand... and I love G, H or I for many projects.
Crochetnmore

 

 


Re: Crochet Abbreviation Translation

I've done a good bit of crocheting (although I've come to enjoy knitting more--for various reasons), but this one is a new one to me. I printed your pot lid grabber hat pattern, and it has a fpdc stitch. Could you please help me out with what that means?

Thanks!

Iris

<< reply >>

Fpdc is a Front Post Double Crochet
(a/k/a Front Raised Double Crochet)

Yarn over, insert hook from the front side of the
work right to left around the post of the indicated
stitch on a previous row;
yo and pull up a loop (3 lps on hook)
yo and draw through two lps (2 lps on hook)
yo and draw through two lps (1 lp on hook)

 

Here’s a video to show you how:

You can find a list of crochet stitch abbreviations and instructions on our Crochet Basics page:
http://www.crochetnmore.com/123basics.htm


Re: Crochet Abbreviation Translation

One other question--you mention to use 4-ply cotton yarn, but don't indicate how much is needed. Thanks!

Iris

<< reply >>

The Lid Grabber Hat was one of my earlier patterns... designed
before I started including the amount of yarn used.
I just checked the weight of the Lid Grabber Hat that I use all the
time. Less than 2 ounces of 4 ply cotton yarn will make this pattern.

Also, I have updated the page to include this information.
http://www.crochetnmore.com/lidgrabberhat.htm

Thanks for asking!

Lisa


Re: Post on the Crochetnmore Google+ Page

Scrap Yarn Idea:
Join granny squares with this cool invisible join to make a cool scarf.
http://doyoumindifiknit.typepad.com/do_you_mind_if_i_knit/2010/02/joining-up-with-an-invisible-stitch.html

Comments:

Great tutorial. So many beautiful photos. You are a real gem for sharing.
Dana Bincer

---

Thanks... I can't take credit for the tutorial.. only sharing it :)
I thought the scarf was beautiful!
Crochetnmore

 

 


 

 

Kind words can be short and easy to speak,
but their echoes are truly endless.
                                   Mother Teresa


CONTEST/GIVEAWAY INFORMATION

The information provided below is strictly for your enjoyment.


Red Heart Yarn of the Month Giveaway:
http://www.redheart.com/blog/yarn-month-giveaway-june

 

 

 


CLASSIFIED SECTION


Got something you'd like to sell ?
Looking for a particular item to buy?
Put your ad here to be seen by approximately 5,500 crafters...
Click here to place an advertisement in our Classified Section.


~ ~ ~ YOUR AD COULD GO HERE! ~ ~ ~

 


Do you know a little girl that doesn't have a baby to hold and care for?
Please visit our site and click on request a doll on the left hand side of the site.

If you need a teddy bear for a little boy please add next to their information
on the request for that it’s for a little boy so we know to send a teddy..
http://www.mollysbabies.org

while your there visit are many pages, we have a volunteer application page
with all the information on there.

We also have Santa letter's, items for sale.. all proceeds goes to Molly's Babies inc.
Right now to keep Molly's Babies Inc running we need your support. so please visit
our site today and see if you can help out with something.. how you can help page
and a lot more. stop by and check us out.. look forward to your visit.

Click here for ways you can help!

Mary B.

Molly's Babies Inc.
P.O. Box 308
Versailles, CT. 06383

http://www.mollysbabies.org

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=WY3PT9P5P4JAL

Newsletter
http://oi.vresp.com?fid=439e0bb678

Blog:
http://mollys-babies.blogspot.com/

 


          The Buddy Bulletin Newspapers    
Stream Your Tweets Outward - To The Wider World

The Website: http://www.buddybulletin.com/
The Blog: http://buddybulletinblog.blogspot.com/
The Buddy Bulletin Newspaper: http://paper.li/SuperEB/1322068502
The Buddy Bulletin #Crafts: http://paper.li/SuperEB/1324399824

cont.
 


www.joann.com


Get Your Home In Order!

Click Here


 

How to Start a Tutoring Business

cont.

 


Threads N Stitches

cont.


You can buy our 51 page book
through Cafe Press.

Click Here to order your copy today!
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1
Crochet N More Pattern Collection 1

cont

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

cont.


Get your copy of the Gas Mileage Guide today!
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/

There's also a free Version available.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/freepreview.htm
Also make sure to check out almost daily tips for saving money
and having fun without breaking the bank.
http://www.gasmileageguide.com/gas-savings-blog/

cont.


This book is a wonderful addition to any crochet library.
I've had numerous requests over the years of what to crochet for boys.
Crobots are definitely the answer!
This 96-page book is filled with numerous types of Crobot patterns as well as well-illustrated instructions for the
crochet stitches, assembly stitches and other embellishments used in the patterns.
The patterns are well written, some of the book is written in a small font but the pictures are wonderful. NOTE: This book comes to you with a safety warning regarding the small parts used in the patterns.
Therefore, please use your own discretion as to the age of the child you intend the gift for.


 

=====================================================


If your home business isn't growing as fast as you'd like, maybe you need to move to a new neighborhood!
Come be a part of our home and small business community at Creative Enterprises!
We bring new meaning to "networking" and resource sharing!
Sign up for your membership today at
7http://www.creativethought.com

cont.



HUMOR



 


~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Laughter is an instant vacation." - Milton Berle
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

 

 

My husband is a minister who conducts an expanded altar call at the end of his sermon. He asks those who wish to accept Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, as well as those with prayers or other requests, to come forward.

To the surprise and delight of the congregation our three-year-old daughter, without a word to me, got up and made her way forward.

She waited patiently while the others ahead of her made a request.

When her turn came, my husband leaned down to ask for her request.

She whispered, "Can we go to the restaurant after church?"

 


A teacher said to her student, "William, if both of your parents were born in 1976,
how old are they now?"
After a few moments, William answered, "It depends."

"It depends on what?" she asked.

"It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother."


My 76-year-old father, while still a good driver, has more trouble judging distances than he used to. This sometimes results in driving by sound: He hits something, and then realizes it was there.

The cost of repairing rear bumpers was getting expensive. So a perfect gift seemed to be a reverse-sensor kit that gave an audible and visual signal when the car was getting too close to something.

We had it installed and watched excitedly as Dad backed out of the garage.

The audible signal went off...and he reached for his cellphone. "Hello?"

 


It was the usual muddy day in the country. The first grade teacher, Miss Brown, had just finished putting the 36th boot on the 18th pair of little feet and was anxious to finish the last pair so she could go to lunch.

The last pair of boots was for little Johnny Smith, a quiet boy. Miss Brown had a very difficult time getting his boots on as they were a bit too small for his growing feet, but she finally won the battle.

To her dismay, little Johnny looked blandly up into her face and announced, "Teacher, these boots aren't mine." In a hurry, but wanting to be kind, Miss Brown groaned, but with grim gentleness removed the boots and straightened her aching back.

Whereupon Johnny continued, "They're my little brother's, but Mommy said I could wear them to school today."

 


While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent.

Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller, too."

 


I learned a lesson in marketing from a man who bought an old boat, a trailer, and a motor from me. "Thanks," he said as he loaded them up. "I'm planning to resell them."

Good luck, I thought. I had been trying to get rid of them for months. But when I ran into him a few weeks later, he'd sold everything.

"How did you manage that?" I marveled.

"I took out an ad: 'Heavy-duty boat trailer with free boat.' When the buyer came to get it, I asked if he had a motor. He said no. I told him I happened to have one in my garage. Bought that, too."


Once there were four business men who were sitting on a bench in a hospital waiting room, because their wives were having babies.

A nurse comes over and says to the first businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had 1 baby."

The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the president of And1!"

The nurse goes away.

Then the nurse comes back and says to the second businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had twins!"

The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the owner of the Minnesota Twins!"

The nurse goes away.

The nurse comes back and says to the third businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had triplets!"

The man says, "What a coincidence! I work for Triple Crown!"

The nurse goes away.

The nurse comes back and sees the fourth businessman alone on the bench crying.

She asks, "Why are you crying"?

The man replied, "I work for Seven Up"!

 


While visiting the Atlanta area, I walked through a lovely park with a wide path where people could jog, run their dogs or ride trail bikes. As I descended a hill, I saw a woman coming toward me, pushing a stroller with two toddlers in it.

"We're coming to a hill," the mother announced to her children, "so you'll have to help me -- are you ready?"

I wondered how the little ones could be of assistance, but as I passed by I heard them earnestly repeating their encouragement:
"I think I can, I think I can..."

 


A goober holding a baby walks into a drug store

and asks the clerk if she can use the store's baby scale.

"Sorry, ma'am," says the clerk. "Our baby scale is broken.

But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first."

"Oh, that won't work,"

"Why not?" asks the clerk.

"Because," she answers, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt."

 


Looking over the log book kept by the computer support staff at my office, I noticed several
entries stating the problem was PICNIC.

I asked one of the technicians what PICNIC meant.
He laughed as he told me it meant ...
"Problem In Chair, Not In Computer."


A young man called his mother to explain excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams and what should he do next?

"Well, your father sent me flowers, and then invited me over for a home-cooked meal," Mom replied.

"That's a great idea! I'm seeing her on Saturday ... I'll do it!"

Sunday rolls around and Mom rings up her son to see how the big date had gone.

"Oh, Mom," moans the son, "it didn't go so well. I was totally humiliated."

"I'm so sorry! What happened?"

"Well, she insisted on washing the dishes," the son explained.

"And that's a problem for you....?" Mom inquires.

"We hadn't eaten yet."

 


Did I read that sign right?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

 

 


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